The Amazing 2014/15 Calendar!

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wish calendar

A calendar? In March?!

Let us explain; before the world was full of microwavable sushi and Michael McIntyre, we used to have a year that started in March and ended in March. Not the same March, the next March. Then the Romans, or somebody, came along and mucked it all up and suddenly we needed a special rhyme to keep the lengths of the months straight. Disgusting.

But because we like old fashioned things and because we didn’t manage to get our proper calendar to the printers in time at the end of last year, we’ve put together this completely unique March to March Olde Englysh Calendrific Device, brimming with special dates and notable occurrences like Insurance Awareness Day (June 28th), Golf Month (August) and Danny DeVito’s birthday (look it up).

Just click on this outstanding link:


And there you will see the whole thing in glorious PDF-O-Vision. Just print it off right there and then or right click and download it to peruse at a later date. No longer will you have to rely on clumsy abacuses or sun dials to work out that ‘time of the month’, now it’s right there spread out in front of you thanks to us!

All blogged out? Go check out our super-duper four wheel experience days!

See Our Goodies on Tipping Point!

Posted by & filed under Celebrities, News.

Tipping Point

It’s the only game show on television that utilises the power of those seaside, two pence, shuffle based amusement games that have no official name. No really, I’m serious, what are those things called? Coiny Slot Drops?

Yes, it’s Tipping Point. And despite the infuriating incomprehension of having no name for the machine at the heart of the show, we still love it and particularly it’s host Ben Shephard. BEN! BEN! I’m assuming you Google your own name constantly so will probably read this. BEN!

BEN! Did you get the socks I knitted? One with T embroidered on it and the other with P? I don’t know if I made it clear in my six page letter, but that stands for Tipping Point! You see, it’s clever, like you. I was at the Frankie & Bennys on the night I mentioned in the letter, but I didn’t see you. You were probably busy being hunky and ace.

Anyway, my Shepard based fantasises edge ever close to reality as provides one of the prizes for an upcoming show. This Wednesday, March 19th at 4pm, drop everything and glue yourself to the television, as I will be doing and you’ll see our name and professional logo on Tipping Point.

What are we giving away? I’m not allowed to reveal that, but let’s just say it involves shooting a pigeon that is not made out of porcelain. No, it’s made out of clay. It’s clay pigeon shooting. I wonder which contestant will win it? Maybe it will be me! Oh no, it can’t be me, I work for the company and there’s that restraining thing that Ben had applied to me. That trickster. BEN!

Watch the show RIGHT HERE on the ITV Player, so called as it ‘plays’ shows broadcast by ‘ITV’.

Or if you’d rather go clay pigeon shooting, have a crack at it THIS WAY.

BEN! BEN! Oh no, that’s just a plastic bag in a tree.


All blogged out? Go check out our super-duper four wheel experience days!

They Motorised What? [Infographic]

Posted by & filed under Infographics.

The British have been putting motors into inappropriate things since the dawn of time.

Way back in caveman days, according to a documentary I was watching the other day, Neanderthals were using their own feet to propel themselves in primitive vehicular forms and using animals such as pelicans as buckets and rubbish bins. Come to think of it, I might have been watching The Flintstones. And even that seems unlikely as my wife took the television with her when she left 4 years ago. I’M SO LONELY.

And that wonderful tradition of yamming an engine into somewhere that it has no natural right to go continues to this day. People the world over have gathered the British mantle and are now motorising all manner of inanimate objects, just for the glory of appearing in an Infographic.

And today, I make all their dreams blossom into reality as the Infographic below outlines their exploits and achievements in a way that ‘Infographic Monthly Magazine’ (you get a pixel free with every edition until, after 96 weeks, you have your own Infographic) described as ‘bold’ and ‘cheeky’. Our fingers are crossed for the upcoming ‘Infographies’ the awards ceremony for the Infographic industry held every year in a Chicken Cottage in Leicester.

And if you would like to remember this special day forever, then steal this Infographic and stuff it wherever you wish by taking the code that lies beneath it.

And if crazy vehicles that just shouldn’t be is your thing, then peruse our amazing WACKY RACERS ADVENTURE


All blogged out? Go check out our super-duper four wheel experience days!

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What Your Car Says About You [Infographic]

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The question I’m asked most in my life is ‘What is wrong with you?’ the second question most asked is ‘No, really, what is wrong with you?’

I’m asked it all the time by family members, strangers, passing motorists and, for some reason, traffic wardens. Maybe it’s my headgear, maybe it’s the ‘new walk’ I’m trying out. But whatever the reason, the general public appear to be perpetually compelled by me and my odours. But it seems you people, generally known as ‘normal, sane people’, are more of an open book.

‘But how,’ you splutter while spraying muesli all over the barista. It’s your car. It reveals more about you than your name, height or a thorough internal medical examination. All is revealed in this informative and completely Meerkat free Infographic that is reproduced below. Within it, all the vehicular nuggets that indicate exactly the sort of person you are and what has gone wrong are openly displayed and celebrated.

If, after reading, you do make a breakthrough and find it necessary to share your emotions with the larger world, you can simply take the code that lives under the Infographic like a common bridge troll and slap it up, good and proper, all over the gaff. By which I mean internet.

And if all this car talk had made you think ‘hey, cars, yeah’ then try one of our magical driving experiences that feature no magic whatsoever RIGHT HERE


All blogged out? Go check out our super-duper four wheel experience days!

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What It Takes To Build a Monster Truck [Infographic]

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Wait, so great big Monster Trucks aren’t the result of a juggernaut getting it on with a camper van?

No! Apparently neither mechanics nor nature work in that way. Boy is my face red. Instead Monster Trucks are painstakingly constructed by human beings. Human beings with passion, big tyres and too much time on their hands. And probably an extensive collection of novelty belt buckles. Don’t ask me why, I just picture them that way.

‘But yes,’ you warble, ‘you’ve certainly given me the vague ballpark nutshell of all that Monster Truck hoo-hah, but I’m on a particular brand of medication that forces me to insist on obtaining VERY SPECIFIC DETAILS about EVERYTHING and then add them to my dossier, which is called ‘The Dossier’ and buried in a country park not far from here’.

Behold! The Infographic below (if you’re not seeing the Infographic below, what’s wrong with you? Why have you got to cause trouble, eh?) fills you in on every aspect of Monster Truck construction from lug nuts to wing nuts. And many nuts in between. Upset your friends and baffle you enemies with your astounding range of new truck knowledge.

And then spread the word like some vehicular evangelist, and purloin that bit of code under the Infographic, paste it elsewhere and see it appear like a magical bonsai. Victory!

And if you like Monster Trucks so much, why don’t you marry them. Which you can on one of our Monster Truck types experiences RIGHT HERE (except the marrying part).


All blogged out? Go check out our super-duper four wheel experience days!

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The World’s Worst Cars [Infographic]

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With cars, like footballers, certainly the expensive ones catch the eye, but the truly terrible ones are far more entertaining.

Yes, watching a gazelle-like centre-forward hurtling down the flank, dummying four defenders and then slotting home a delicate chip is very nice, but watching a donkey of a defender taking a huge swipe at the ball, missing by several feet and somehow kicking himself in the knackers is going to get more hits on You Tube.

And so it is we turn to vehicular donkeys. Those cars that, rather than being produced with precision and flair, are more thrown together by glueing some metal onto a shopping trolley and waving an engine in its general direction while being sick. Clunkers, bangers and lemons that are all beautifully represented in our Infographic below. Think of it as a sort of virtual wallchart that you can ‘hang’ (post) onto your ‘wall’ (internet).

And if you want to tell the world about low quality automobiles, like a cut-rate Jeremy Clarkson with a speech impediment and a squint, just swipe the code from beneath the image and paste anywhere you like! Even a haberdashers!

And if you like drivey car type things, we’ve got lots of the suckers RIGHT HERE


All blogged out? Go check out our super-duper four wheel experience days!

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Vernon Revs Our Engine!

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We’ve been at it again! No, that thing. We have apologised for that profusely and are attempting to move on with our lives.

No, we’ve been at the All Star Family Fortune gift giveaway thing again! This time, as you can see from Vernon’s cheeky little grin behind that convincing steering wheel, we supplied one of our fabulous driving experiences to one lucky competitor.

In the hotly contested Coronation Street special, which saw the families of Andy Whyment compete against Debbie Rush, lucky duck David Rush said the word ‘pen’ and then all hell broke loose. Not only had he picked the top answer for ‘What non-spoon items do people stir their tea with’ but also swiped a spot prize.

Dave blagged on of our amazing Spokes and Slicks driving days at Goodwood, featuring a whole slew of classic vehicles, just waiting for his attractive, nubile frame to slip into them. To that man we declare Kudos! And hope good fortune rains down on all the Rush’s and their kin.

See more crazy Vernon action on All Star Family Fortunes, Sunday tea-time on ITV 1. Will we give away more amazing stuff? Tune in to find out. Or watch the latest episode OVER HERE

And if you fancy being just like Dave and spinning around Goodwood at a rate of knots (the car kind) take a look at it RIGHT HERE

And because you deserve it, here’s another sneaky pic of Vern…


All blogged out? Go check out our super-duper four wheel experience days!

Head of State Cars: Cost Vs Corruption

Posted by & filed under Infographics.

Look, you don’t want your Head of State to be wandering the streets from parliamentary meeting to trade delegation, getting dust all over their turn-ups and a big, fat sweaty face, do you?

No, of course you don’t. That would be an abomination bordering on insanity. How is your country going to go cap in hand to the World Bank for a much needed bail out, if not in an enormous , glossy, bullet and catapult proof car? If they turned up in a Yugo or Fiat, they would be laughed out of the place before a cheque is cut.

Your El Presidente needs a massive motor to provoke respect and instil fear in their many enemies. But how do the nice friendly, happy states (hurrah!) match up to those naughty, nasty corrupt ones (boo!)? Do the baddies spend more than the goodies? Well now all those answers, and many more, can be answered with this rather splendid Infographic you see below. Look, digest and probably get a bit peeved at the craziness of it all.

And, just like the government does to your tax money, you can STEAL this magnificent artefact by swiping the code that lies beneath it and pasting it wherever you wish. Go one, we dare you.


All blogged out? Go check out our super-duper four wheel experience days!

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The Mother of all Competitions!

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Everyone has a mother. Unless you are a cyborg. Are you a cyborg? Because if you are, and I ask, you have to tell me. That’s the law. Ok, fine, you’re not a cyborg.

Soon it will be Mother’s Day. Literally the Day of the Mothers. A time to reflect and regard mothers of all varieties. Except the really bad ones. Let’s try to keep them out of it. They don’t deserve a day.

But what can you possibly give to your mother that she hasn’t already given to you? If she’s anything like my mum, she’ll constantly remind you that she provided the gift of life.

‘Here Mum, I got you some chocolates.’
‘That’s nice, though I gave you the gift of life.’
‘Hi Mum, here’s that Catherine Cookson box-set you asked for.’
‘Great. Nearly as great as the gift of life I gave you.’
‘Gift of life.’

You can’t really win. But, rather than the gift of life (which would be impractical and strange) what about giving your mother the gift of a lifetime? Or, even better, entering a competition where you might win the gift of a lifetime? Yes, you’re right, that is even better. Thanks to the wonderful people at, there is an astounding prize package to be won for your mum featuring jewellery, chicken accessories, booze, flowers, choccies and much more.

And one of the much mores is a wonderful afternoon tea provided by us! If you’ve never sat across from your own mother as she eats scones, then you haven’t lived my friend. All the details on how to enter are on the Omlet site RIGHT HERE, so think, enter and hope. In that order.

And if the thought of your own, or any other, mother indulging in afternoon tea has got you all excited, check out out lavish selection of such things OVER HERE

Unless you are a cyborg, in which case I insist you return to your hideous, metallic lair.

All blogged out? Go check out our super-duper four wheel experience days!