Just not *our* rental cars, we hasten to add…
Renting a hire car is practically a licence to print money. But what can you do with all that money and the car you just hired?
Lots of stuff! Just like when you rent a human being, there’s a whole new world on offer. Check out these hot, hot, hot things to do in a rental car style ideas.
Sure you don’t want to bunny-hop start your own car, but you’re in a rental stupid and anything goes, including this hideously fuel-wasteful way to get going.
All you have to do is release the clutch pedal as you’re applying the gas.
Tyres spinning like a DJ with severe mental health problems and approving looks from low-lifes are guaranteed.
Starskey And Hutch Bonnet Slides
See also ‘The Professionals’. There is only one cool and convincing way to travel from the front door of your bed-sit to somewhere near the front door of your vehicle.
Pick up speed then slide across the bonnet with arms aloft and your face pressed into an expression of criminal crotch-kicking determination.
And now and your beloved rental car can join in the rubber-burning fun.
You’ll need a rear-wheel drive vehicle to properly perform this completely redundant stunt. Start driving slowly in a circle then hit the clutch and the handbrake. As you start to spin, release the handbrake and hit the accelerator.
Then, my son, you are doing doughnuts.
Perfect if you are drunk, confused or incredibly stupid.
First you will need an icy road, a rental car and a friend you don’t really consider a friend. Your ‘pal’ opens the passenger side door and grabs onto the door handle on the inside with his heels on the icy ground.
Then you pull away, slowly, dragging your companion in a filthy imitation of skiing. We strongly advise you not to do this at all.
There must be something gained from driving through a big pile of cardboard boxes as it was a staple of every 1970s cop show and movie.
We just can’t work out what it is. Same goes for avoiding two men carrying a large sheet of glass across the street.
With your hire car to hand, now you can enjoy this fantastic cubic experience. Probably best to find an empty parking lot or the immensely long driveway of a stately home. Gather some boxes and then drive through them, possibly screaming “DAMN YOU MENDOZA!”
Low Speed Drag Race
An incredibly fun (if you have elastic parameters for the definition of ‘incredibly’) thing to do if you and your special friend both have rental cars.
Pick your race location, draw a finish line and see who can get there the slowest. You both have to be continually moving, just at a pace best described as ‘snail’s’.
Turn the wheel, yank the handbrake and dip the clutch. You will soon find yourself magically facing in the opposite direction, or not, if you did it wrong.
Even more fun if you’re humming the theme tune to Hawaii Five-O.
Fill It With Stuff
You don’t want to mess up your own beloved four-wheeled wife, but with old Dr Rental going back to the place on Monday, you can get down and dirty with it.
May I suggest taking every meal in the car? Plus snacks, treats and inter-meal refreshments?
Just see how much discarded crap you can get flapping around your feet. Make it resemble a four-wheeled episode of TV show Hoarders. Then you’ll be a man my son.
Slightly more complicated than the crap-filling, but a manoeuvre so cool it has the word ‘Scandinavian’ in it.
You’re basically flinging your car sideways at high speed then controlling it to fly around the corner in the sexiest way possible.
So you steer away from the turn, then quickly into the turn while dramatically lifting off the throttle and lightly applying the brakes.
You should slingshot into the corner. Or possibly into the afterlife.
Driving To Places With Comical Place Names
Now is your chance to fulfil that lifelong ambition of driving to locations with hilarious names.
Such as Middelfart or Crapstone or North Piddle or Scratchy Bottom or Dildo or Intercourse or Wetwang or Tipton.