Posts By: Dale

The Amazing Wish.co.uk 2014/15 Calendar

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A calendar? In March?! Let us explain; before the world was full of microwavable sushi and Michael McIntyre, we used to have a year that started in March and ended in March. iphone 7 phone cases red leather Not the same March, the next March. iphone battery case 6 Then the Romans, or somebody, came along and mucked it all up and suddenly we needed a special rhyme to keep the lengths of the months straight. iphone 7 matt case Disgusting. friends door phone case iphone 6 plus But because we like old fashioned things and because we didn’t manage to get our proper calendar to the printers in time at the end of last year, we’ve put together this completely unique March to March Olde Englysh Calendrific Device, brimming with special dates and notable occurrences like Insurance Awareness Day (June 28th), Golf Month (August) and Danny DeVito’s birthday (look it up). brown leather iphone 8 plus case Just click on this outstanding link: DOWNLOAD THE CALENDAR NOW And there you will see the whole thing in glorious PDF-O-Vision. iphone 8 pug case Just print it off right there and then or right click and download it to peruse at…

How To Yodel In The Swiss Alps

Posted by & filed under Factoid, How To....

Look at you. You’re young, thrusting, hip and sensational. Of course you want to yodel. Just consider the odds – every stupid, ridiculous, embarrassing thing has made a comeback eventually whether it’s clothes from the 1990’s, Veronica Mars or scabies. This means yodelling is sure to reach the heights of fashion any day now. And when it does, we want and pray for you to be ready for it. Luckily, it’s easy to learn, fun to perform and fairly cheap to maintain. So follow this easy guide and they’ll be another reason for your neighbours to send the warden round to your flat. WHAT IS A YODELLING? Back in the day when we reared sheep for food and clothing, they were forever wandering off. The people designated with the job of looking after the animals – the sheep herds if you will – thought that screaming at the top of their lungs would encourage them to return, rather than drive them further away. So in the Alps and other hilly places, this technique of calling out using high and low notes via the voice was born. Elsewhere on the planet, such as in the Middle East and Africa, similar vocal…

Fun With a Capital Squirt!

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Water can be used for many wondrous things. iphone 6 case grey Ice statues of the Chuckle Brothers. girls iphone 6 case Erotic waterfalls. Fog. pink sand iphone 7 case But surely the greatest aquatic development since that big banana thing you ride on at Kavos is a little item that we call the Water Jetpack. iphone 8 case native union Have two words ever sounded finer together? It’s like Bacon and bap. iphone 7 case green Benny and Bjorn. Chuck and Norris. Water Jetpacking has taken the world of extremeness and celebrity (and celebrity extremeness) by storm, with stars of the magnitude of Leonardo Di Caprio and Vin Diesel strapping on these powerful spurting devices and flying up into air like some form of astounding moist superhero. But I know what you are thinking: ‘Sure, it’s fine for those big Hollywood superstars to swan off to San Tropez or Richard Branson Island and revel in some Water Jetpacking. pressed flower iphone 7 plus case But what about a lummox like me? With a mortgage and a limp?’ As Robert Benigni said so often ‘Don’t you worry about that no more.’ Now all the glamour and excitement and dampness of…

How To Grill A Steak Like An Expert

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It seems the easiest culinary task in the world. To brown both sides of a healthy slab of cow so it’s succulent, tasty and attractive. So why is it so gosh-dang difficult? The answer is, it isn’t, you’re just doing it wrong. Probably over-thinking it. All you need to do is have great, fresh ingredients and the right tools for the job. Soon you’ll be chowing down on perfect steaks like a hungry lumberjack or Ron Swanson after a difficult bout of woodworking. CUT Like many things in life: the thicker the better. If your steak is unnaturally scrawny, it will cook through too quickly and be dry and nasty inside. A nice thick cut will provide a deliciously cooked outer layer and a moist, tasty interior. Don’t be swizzed into thinking there’s just rump, sirloin and T-bone out there for you. Experiment with more unusual cuts such as point steaks, onglet and feather blade to find the perfect variety for your appetite. Cuts from the middle of the animal will need less cooking time than steaks from the front and rear of the beast. PREP Take your steaks out of the fridge a good 45 minutes before cooking and…

How To Win Big At Life

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Sure, you could wait for dumb luck to come along and provide you with some form of glorious victory. Like a big sucker. Or you could follow our handy tips to ensure you win massively in every gaming enterprise you embark upon (or at least the ones mentioned). That’s right, you no longer have to leave it to chance to come in first. iphone 8 plus matt black case We have every area of luck or gambling covered (see brackets above). All we ask is you send us a nice Moonpig card when you win your first million. iphone 6 case galaxy LOTTERY When trying to win the lottery there are a huge amount of don’ts to focus on, rather than do’s. Don’t bother joining a syndicate, even if you do win you’ll be sharing your reward amongst a huge amount of people. Patterns or clusters of numbers are equally ineffectual as there are too many other people using the same method, so again your jackpot will be shared. According to the statistics, buying twenty tickets for a single lottery draw has better odds than than buying one ticket over twenty draws. And mathematical types have concluded that if all…

How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

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One of the most talked-about features concerning the aftermath of biochemical and neurochemical warfare, other than the cheap price of cookware and other luxury comestibles, is the possibility of a zombie invasion. Many of us are sure to be turned into these half-dead creatures that feature so frequently in quality movies and also seem to crop up with alarming regularity when you wander through a certain disused shopping mall in Reading. Of course, the hilarious way that the heroes of Shaun of the Dead try to fight off some very bitey zombies by throwing some well-chosen vinyl at them (not Purple Rain, obvs) is never going to be an adequate response. So what would your government do if there were to be a real Zombie Apocalypse, and how likely is it to actually happen? The bad news is if you believe the United States Center for Disease Control and Prevention (and we do), then LQP-79 is your worst nightmare come true. Mild symptoms of people infected by this virus include high fever and vomiting together with chest pains, raised blood pressure and an increased heart rate. But if you are unfortunate enough to develop severe symptoms, then you will be…

How To Travel Like Homer Simpson

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In their many and highly-comical adventures, the family Simpson have pretty much travelled everywhere. Over 26 seasons they’ve touched down in a staggering number of countries and upset many of the denizens of abroad. And despite the fact that most of these vacations involve Homer getting his head stuck in something, they can prove to be highly educational. I mean, how would we know about Australia’s odd forms of punishment, Italy’s drunken children or Brazil’s monkey problem without the Simpsons? So if you are jetting off to somewhere tropical this summer, here’s how Homer tackled a visit to these foreign nations. AUSTRALIA Remember, the environmental balance in Australia is very delicate, so if you are planning to introduce any foreign, invasive species, make sure that you don’t get caught, otherwise the natural punishment is to be kicked with a giant boot in parliament. If you are spotted dropping bullfrogs into airport fountains and decide that escape via kangaroo is the best option remember that their pouches are pretty mucous filled. The national pastime in Australia is a game called ‘Knifey Spoony’ so make sure you have your special gaming cutlery on you at all times. The currency is known as…

Who Are The Celebrity Freemasons?

Posted by & filed under Celebrities, Factoid.

Do you know who isn’t a Freemason? The secret society that supposedly runs politics, finance and all those daytime cookery shows? No-one, that’s who isn’t. Or at least that’s the verdict of the internet which, for some reason, loves the occasional conspiracy theory. While looking into the murky world of Masonic handshakes, I discovered some startling things. Firstly, there’s no such thing as a Masonic handshake (according to the Masons). Secondly, nobody believes this, as the massive amount of evidence posted onto You Tube, showing celebrities and famous figures great and small touching each other in an unusual way, testifies. EXHIBIT #1: GORDON RAMSAY AND THE HELL’S KITCHEN GANG Wake up people! It has the word ‘hell’ right there in the title, so you know there’s something shifty going down. After a couple of mysterious ‘chefs’ dressed all in black (I think we all know why) reduce an orange to liquid using voodoo (and soundwaves) the swear-spewing cook clutches one of their hand’s in a very unusual way. Actually in quite a girly way I’d say, like he was greeting an elderly lady of note at a council function. Oh and NASA is involved. Not sure how. EXHIBIT #2: JAY-Z/NAS/KANYE…

The Weirdest Things Found Inside Something Else

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As a civilisation, we love things being inside other things. Meat inside bread forms the globes favourite food: the sandwich! People inside rooms creates the best sort of dwelling: a house! Men with big beards inside caves are our most enjoyable type of weirdo: the hermit! But occasionally, due to human error or witchcraft, things that are never supposed to be in other things end up in other things. And then the internet writes about it. iphone 7 plus light phone cases Here is just a smattering of bizarre items that have unexpectedly turned up within stuff they shouldn’t have. A CHILD IN A PARCEL Fans of the Velvet Underground will know the tale of poor Waldo who, in the song The Gift, who mails himself to his girlfriend in a big box with disastrous results. But Waldo wasn’t the first to try this. After the US postal service was created in 1913, people immediately started taking the mickey and pushing this new novelty enterprise to its limits by seeing what weird stuff they could send to each other. Including, in 1913, a baby which the Beauge family of Ohio sent parcel post to it’s grandmother, as it was cheaper…

Win a Supercar Experience!

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  I know exactly what you’re thinking in that beautifully shaped noggin of yours: yes, I want to drive an amazingly fancy Supercar and no, I don’t want to pay a penny for the privilege you neck-cyst possessing weirdo dingy-nut. iphone 6 armor case Firstly, how do you know about my cyst/boat thing? And secondly, of course you don’t and do! And we can help you achieve this through the medium of a gambit, tontine or competition, with our wonderful new friends over at Carrentals.co.uk, the only place to go to compare car rental prices. iphone 8 plus case character If you are comparing car rental prices anywhere else, then you are wrong. Just head to this page HERE or blast on over to this FACEBOOK page, which is some sort of new website I’ve just heard all about and enter. iphone case 6 purple rubber And who knows, you could be zipping around the track in the Supercar of your dreams, the dreams where you are driving a Supercar, not the dream where you marry a Supercar, move to Tenby and open a Planet of the Apes themed bed and breakfast establishment. oasis phone case iphone 7 You have…