Posts By: Dale

A Brief History of Crank Calls & 0898 Numbers

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From the moment when the first caveman held a seashell up to his ear and heard the ocean and then another caveman came along and smashed him over the head with a rock and screamed ‘LOSER’ at his inert body, people have been using and misusing communication devices. Whether it’s insulting Morse code, bad walkie-talkie etiquette or erotic semaphore, as soon as technology was introduced to help in the transmission of messages, we found a way to desecrate them for amusement or menace. Here is a brief run-down of the main methods of telephone abasement and where they appear in the history of communicating. FIRST CRANK CALL Though the early history of the telephone and the pioneers behind its development is hotly disputed, we do know that on the 10th March 1876, Alexander Graham Bell used his patented device and a liquid transmitter for the first time, uttering the words, ‘Mr Watson, come here, I want to see you’. This was in fact also the first instance of a ‘crank’ or ‘nuisance’ call. Bell had been goading Watson all morning, using various methods to call him into his office only to then throw a heavy book at him. To Bell,…

How To Be Interesting

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Let me make one thing painfully clear. I am an idiot. I am not smart at all. My intellectual capacities are considered poor at best. Nicknames I have endured during my life have included ‘Dummy’, ‘Gumpy’ and ‘Old Dung For Brains’. But, by listening to people who are smarter than me and by taking covert notes or secretly recording them, I have picked up a few salient phrases and culturally relevant sentences that make me sound vaguely clever when dropped into the heart of a conversation. Let me share them with you. If, after you let one of these beauties fly, someone questions you further, either fake a heart attack or burst into tears. Then run. “YOU KNOW THE STAR WARS FILMS HAVE SUFFERED SINCE THEY STOPPED BEING BASED ON KUROSAWA FILMS” Perfect for dropping into conversations with film buffs, comic book nerds or sci-fi geeks. The parallels between the first Star Wars film and Akira Kurosawa’s The Hidden Fortress have been drawn for years and George Lucas admitted that he basically stole the plot from the Japanese film, then changed it significantly, then stole it again for Phantom Menace. Works best when spoken snottily. “WITH THE RITE OF SPRING,…

What Does Your Car Say About You?

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The question I’m asked most in my life is ‘What is wrong with you?’ the second question most asked is ‘No, really, what is wrong with you?’ I’m asked it all the time by family members, strangers, passing motorists and, for some reason, traffic wardens. weed iphone 7 case Maybe it’s my headgear, maybe it’s the ‘new walk’ I’m trying out. But whatever the reason, the general public appear to be perpetually compelled by me and my odours. But it seems you people, generally known as ‘normal, sane people’, are more of an open book. jimin phone case iphone 7 ‘But how,’ you splutter while spraying muesli all over the barista. iphone 6 extended battery case It’s your car. iphone 6 plain case It reveals more about you than your name, height or a thorough internal medical examination. tough iphone x case All is revealed in this informative and completely Meerkat free Infographic that is reproduced below. iphone 7 full body case glitter Within it, all the vehicular nuggets that indicate exactly the sort of person you are and what has gone wrong are openly displayed and celebrated. If, after reading, you do make a breakthrough and find it necessary…

How To Drink Absinthe (& Not Go Insane)

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It is considered the scariest thing sitting behind the bartender’s head. The legends surrounding absinthe have been swirling around for generations. iphone 7 plus anti slip case The ‘green fairy’ that poisons the drinker’s mind with Wormwood and causes hallucinations, wooziness and even madness. It’s even illegal, right? No, not for years. The levels of neotoxins contained in the drink and thought to affect mental cognition are too small to cause any trouble. So it’s not as dangerous as some fear, but it is still strong… black and gold iphone 6 case and delicious! If you prepare it correctly. chargeable case iphone 6 apple WHAT IS THIS STUFF ANYWAY? Like Coca Cola, Cornflakes and Irn-Bru (probably) absinthe may have started life as a medicinal tonic, brewed by a French doctor living in Switzerland. Though Wormwood infused wine had been in the drinks cabinets of the Ancient Greeks. It’s a flavoured spirit, featuring an infusion of herbs and flowers including sweet fennel, green anise and grande wormwood, plus a possible selection of other herbs such as hyssop, peppermint and coriander. The base ingredients will create a clear spirit (which is sold as ‘Absinthe Blanche’) but the addition of these herbs turns…

What Are The GTA 5 Cars In Real Life?

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What’s your favourite bit of the gaming behemoth GTA 5? Is it the random beatings, the sudden bursts of ultra-violence or the hidden Dido concerts? No, of course it’s the cars! Those wonderful, animated, floridly titled cars. iphone 6 case floral vintage We all have our favourites, with many of us having multiple posters adorning the walls of our bedsits. polar bear iphone 8 case But if you are anything like me (and I sincerely hope that you aren’t, it’s awful) you may have wondered what the real inspiration for these magnificent automobiles could have been. iphone 6 thin battery case Well, don’t scratch your head until a well-formed groove appears on your cranium any longer. marble personalised iphone 7 plus case We’ve got the information you need right here! In handy dandy Infographic form, so it looks pretty and everything. striped iphone 8 plus case And what is more, you can swipe the magical code beneath the image and stick the darned thing anywhere you fancy. iphone 8 plus case barcelona Though it should probably be a website or blog, otherwise the council might be after you.

How To Be Like Bear Grylls

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Rupert. Paddington. Fozzie. Famous bears in cultural history tend to have a fairly sedate reputation. But this whole idea of bears being wussy, wimpy and clothed changed forever when the formidable Bear Grylls entered the televised fray. This Bear was an adventurer, an explorer and a man who gladly convened all over nature. A bit like a real bear, rather than those anthropomorphic fictional bears that never acted like bears at all. When was the last time Yogi or Boo Boo mauled anyone? Terrible. Bear Grylls could happily survive on an iceberg using only various bodily emissions and a penguin corpse for food, shelter and entertainment. But if you wanted to emulate this great British bug muncher, how should you go about it? EVALUATE YOUR SURROUNDINGS Once Mr. Grylls is dropped into a harsh environment and charged up his iPhone, the first thing he embarks on is a thorough survey of his surroundings. Is there a fresh water source? Are there any dangerous animals nearby? What time does the motel stop serving breakfast? You can conduct this kind of terrain survey even if you live in a bedsit or caravan. Just act as if you’ve been plunged into the landscape…

9 Sexy Memes That Went Extinct

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Amazingly, sex was not invented by the Millennials. We did have erotic artefacts and suggestive materials back in the deep, dark, pre-internet days. otterbox commuter iphone 6 case They were all just really, really weird. And not very sexy. Almost as if we couldn’t really cope with that actual hanky-panky itself and had to dress the whole process up in a variety of novelty items and odd movements. They truly were innocent, baffling times. RUDE FOOD Back in the early 1980’s, pictures of naked people were considered far more acceptable and tantalising when a variety of fruits and vegetables were stuck on top of or near to the participants private parts. In the old days, you couldn’t move for nudes with a tastefully draped pineapple obscuring their modesty or else a couple of kumquats replicating the disguised organs, released as several volumes of a hardback, coffee table book called Rude Food. Many confused newlyweds fruitlessly searched for the fruit on their honeymoon. SUGGESTIVE ARM GESTURES Drop a sexy lady into any 1970’s sitcom or saucy English movie and you would be guaranteed to see a vicar tugging at his shirt collar before riding his bike into a hedge and a…

How To Crash A Showbiz Party

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Scientists have recently proven, beyond all doubt, that celebrities do indeed have the best parties. Not very good scientists, obviously, but scientists all the same. Beyond the velvet rope and the burly bouncers, there’s a whole world that pathetic mortals like us can only dream about. Strange exotic canapés, booze distilled from fruits that you have never heard of and formation dance moves that are so unique several years of specialised yoga are required to pull them off. Other than perfecting your Britain’s Got Talent act and actually becoming a celebrity, how can you sniff this rarefied air? Here are a few pointers to get you inside a swell, famed-filled soiree (for the purposes of good obviously, don’t use these tips to do bad things). DO YOUR RESEARCH Don’t run from door to door knocking randomly and screaming ‘IS THERE A CELEBRITY PARTY IN HERE?’ Take it from me, that simply doesn’t work. Scour the gossip rags and various scurrilous internet websites for news on album release events, film premières, awards shows, product launches and the like and do a little delving to identify where the after party is going to be. Celebs are always bleating on Twitter about what…

How To Take A Penalty & Not Miss

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It’s one of the most anxious situations in sport. Other than being late to film your Head and Shoulders commercial. A penalty is as stressful as taking your driving test, being cross-examined in court and finding a strange lump on your upper inner thigh all rolled into one. iphone 7 plus phone case arsenal And yet it should be so simple. Just kick the ball into the hole, avoiding that big man in the way. But so many footballing millionaires fail to do it. iphone 8 case mandala pattern Why? Here are just some of the reasons we have unearthed for trained professionals missing a spot-kick, with video evidence included. ANKLE FATIGUE A strange, rare sporting condition where the player involved (in this instance Del Piero) suddenly has the leg power of a wounded fawn. Without warning, all the momentum is drained form the lower leg, causing the victim to lightly tap the ball in the vague direction of the goalie, as is kicking a packet of Jaffa Cakes across the floor towards your stoned flatmate. armor iphone 7 plus case DISCOLOURED BALLS Footballers are a superstitious lot, so any sudden changes in routine and environment can throw them off…

The World’s 10 Weirdest Cinemas

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Going to the pictures used to mean something, you know what I mean? You would get dressed up. There would be usherettes to see you to your seat and give you free cigarettes. And you’d get seven films, a newsreel, a cartoon and a nudist documentary, all for a halfpenny. Now a child with spots pokes you with a stick as you sit in a pile of rancid Maltesers and sadness. But there are still some unique film going experiences out there. Movie palaces that proudly bear the moniker ‘weird’. phone case iphone 7 fruit Take a quick tour around the globe’s strangest and most impressive film venues. Kinema in the Woods: Lincs, UK Exuding all the best of English eccentricity, like a man with a large moustache and a pith helmet throwing cribbage pieces at a lion, this former farm building is one of the oldest cinemas in the country opening in 1922. Nestled in the village of Woodhall Spa, from the outside it resembles an enormous ski lodge gone slightly wrong, while the interior, featuring a classic crimped curtain and bountiful murals, is awesome. And there’s an organ! www.kinemainthewoods.co.uk Cinema d’Ete: Monaco You can rely on those swanky…