Posts By: Dale

Everything You Need To Know About The Internet of Things

Posted by & filed under Infographics.

OK, so we know there’s an internet. We are also aware of things. But what happens when the two concepts meet? Sheer undiluted horror. Why? Well, look over at some inanimate machine that is in your purview. Let’s say it’s a toaster. Stupid isn’t it? Sitting there serving no purpose whatsoever until we have those infrequent occasions when we want to make bread turn brown. We judge the machine and we are safe in that judgement, because it can do nothing in its defence. Except that soon it will be able to do something. It will wait until we are sleeping, creep into our bedrooms and slip scalding hot bagels beneath our slumbering buttocks. And you can thank the internet for that. Soon all electronic objects will be networked, then they will think, then they will plot and then they’ll do the bagel thing. Once we are all dead, they can look at this delightful Infographic below and laugh as it charts our doom while illustrating the rise of the machines. And what’s more, we heralded this demise by allowing you to take the code that sits down there and post this information on your very own machine, so it…

Rent-a-Rebound: Vex Your Ex

Posted by & filed under News.

There is nothing worse than getting dumped. OK, there are seven things worse than getting dumped, but they are all really sad and painful (and one involves volcanoes), so let’s not dwell on them. And the most distressing element of suddenly finding oneself single? Thinking about all the fun that your previous conquest is having without you. How can that be fair? It can’t, that’s how ‘be’ it is. But can this balance be redressed, without an appearance in the local newspaper and graffiti appearing on various nearby bus shelters close to your home, referring to you as ‘a shorter Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction’. We have just the thing! With our new service, Rent-a-Rebound, we weave a fictional tapestry of positive re-enforcement, whereby you are paired with the perfect virtual partner who plasters your various social media outlets with glittering flattery, exceptionally thoughtful comments and a wealth of dates that would make Beyonce and Jay-Z puke with jealousy. Now remember, none of this is real. It’s simply a smokescreen so that any previous lovers, or those that have foolishly forsaken your love, can see how blissfully fulfilled you are in every avenue of your life and are now regretting…

How To Take Afternoon Tea Like The British

Posted by & filed under Celebrities, How To....

What could be more British than Afternoon Tea? A bulldog lapping up a balti resting on a Paul Nicholas album? Nope, Afternoon Tea takes the biscuit. Apparently we should blame the 7th Duchess of Bedford for adding this extra layer of snobbery to our already tradition-laden customs as she had a sinking feeling by late afternoon and simply could not wait until dinner. So, as a Ginsters and a Mars bar was not really an option in those days, she ordered tea, bread and butter plus cakes and the rest, as they say, is history. What is afternoon tea? Because we have to confuse even the simplest procedures, the British actually invented two kinds of afternoon tea: Low Tea and High Tea. Our dear American friends still get gloriously baffled in that delightful way of theirs by the whole ‘scone and beverage’ business and they seem to think that High Tea implies a high class, expensive meal enjoyed by well-heeled members of the aristocracy. Well, as the Yankee Doodles say, ‘Lemme tell ya how it all be, pilgrim’. High Tea actually refers to an afternoon tea served on a dining table and Low Tea tends to rest on a low…

Win Prizes With ME, No Not Me, ME!

Posted by & filed under Competitions.

  Do you possess the hankering to win a plethora of delicious, partially inedible prizes? Of course you are! You’re only human. Unless you are one of those super-intelligent dolphins I keep reading about, in which case I don’t want any trouble, just take what you want and leave me alone and please don’t train that blowhole mounted sniper rifle on me. For all of you non-aquatic sea-life assassins out there, we have teamed up with ME to literally give you prizes, in a competition themed event of galactic proportions. And the winning could not be easier. Remember those cheap games you received from unloved relatives at Christmas where you had to get ball-bearings into a clown’s face? Remember how easy it was? This is easier. Just head over to the ME website which is situated RIGHT HERE and win instant prizes every day. Everything from afternoon tea in a number of increasingly quaint locations to Supercar driving experiences to nipping up the Shard coupled with a delightful lunch. All could be yours at the tweaking of a mouse. Or, if you insist, go look up @MobileEnergy on popular micro-blogging site Twitter and use the hashtag #JoinmeHere for more info. Oh…

It’s a Right Royal Whip Round!

Posted by & filed under Celebrities, News.

One is a little embarrassed to find that the Royal finances are not exactly in a rosy state and the nation’s most famous pensioner is more than a little short of cash. With her palace falling into disrepair and standards of living to uphold, it appears that the Queen may well have to resort to some desperate or unusual measures to perk up those royal coffers. But Liz and co have nothing to worry about! We’ve devised a number of perfectly practical manoeuvres  to raise some more of those bits of paper and metal with your picture on them. Regality Television Wouldn’t we all like to know what really goes in behind those big, opulent gates? Well what about a TV company stumping up some serious cash to persuade the Royal family to star in their own reality TV show: The Big Buck House? Obviously we can all probably guess the outcome, with Andrew getting kicked off swiftly with the least amount of votes and Prince Philip reigning supreme with his singular brand of acerbic wit and fantastic non-PC one-liners. Or even a royal version of Benefits Street, showing the royal household trying to make ends meet with the paltry amounts we give to them each year? We can… on All Star Family Fortunes!

Posted by & filed under Celebrities, News.

There have been some great noises in British game show history. There was ‘vverrrrriiinnngggg’ buzzer sound on Catchphrase with Roy Walker, the ‘Mer-neep neep neep’ at the end of the round on Mastermind and the ‘bellowing ‘Merrrr-herrrrr’ noise that Bully made on Bullseye whenever he got excited. But surely the most iconic game show sound in history is the Family Fortunes ‘EH-ERRR’! It has now entered our lexicon as an indicator of the incorrect. Well, we at are proud to edge ever so slightly closer to that noise and also to the wondrous form of Vernon Kay by providing a few exciting prizes for the contestants on the next series of All Star Family Fortunes. So if you happen to be watching, keep an eye out for our Half Day Sailing and our Slicks and Spokes Raceday at Goodwood. And you can fully expect the studio audience to release a large ‘oooohhhhh’ at the very mention of their names. And do you you remember when we did a similar thing for the excellent Tipping Point? If not, you can remind yourself HERE, but we are also giving them some prizes for the next series too. Clay Pigeon Shooting and…

How To Start Your Own Country [Infographic]

Posted by & filed under Infographics.

Just imagine how fun it would be to start your very own sovereign nation. You can design your own flag, possibly with a parakeet or the face of Professor Brian Cox (or both) on it. Perhaps have a Hi-NRG dance track as your national anthem (which could be composed by former D:Ream member Professor Brian Cox). And then have Professor Brian Cox on all your currency, with ten Cox’s to the Cox. Creating your own country might strike you as a baffling ordeal with lots of forms to fill out and armies to assemble, but as our Infographic helpfully sets out, it can be achieved in just a few simple steps. Yes you may need your own island or a large boat, and you don’t want to be too close to Tonga, but otherwise it’s a doddle. If you do follow our instructions and start your own nation, we’d love to hear about it. Just drop us a line, if you’ve had the stamps with Professor Brian Cox’s face printed up yet. And if you’d like to spread the word about all this, then just steal the code from beneath the Infographic and copy and paste it wherever you wish….

11 Insane Sci-Fi Inventions You Never Knew Existed [Infographic]

Posted by & filed under Infographics.

Remember your favourite Sci-Fi spectaculars such as ‘The Zygon Paradox’, ‘Commander Bucko and his Space Chums’ and ‘Galaxy Gambol’? If you are anything like me, your favourite part of these remarkable intergalactic epics are the crazy futuristic devices and gadgets that the principal characters utilise. Things for your health, items for transportation and large virtual reality zones where you can pretend to be Sherlock Holmes or Lovejoy. But you may be gob-smacked to learn that many of these items currently exist within our planet: Earth. Below you will find a whole legion of these magical objects, displayed in Infographic form. Their history, influence and dimensions will be utterly explained to you. And what is more we’d be happy for you to swipe this wondrous pictorial for your own World Wide Web ‘inter-page’ and place it wherever you wish, just by copying the code you can see below. And don’t worry, a gaggle of Thought Police in visors and white uniforms won’t break down the door of your pod for doing so.    

Is Your Car Killing You?

Posted by & filed under Infographics.

We all love our motor vehicles. We love driving them, we love eating in them, we love fly-tipping out of them. Seriously, I would marry my car if I could. Marry her. I would, absolutely. Don’t push me, because I will. I’ll go out this afternoon and marry my Mondeo. Bella. And have the reception at Halfords. And just like several of the other people, and inanimate objects, that I have previously married, our cars are continually trying to kill us. As the delightful Informational-Graphical (Or Infographic) below illustrates, there are a variety of ways in which your vehicle can suddenly become deadly – from fumes to Sat-Navs to appalling posture. And when they come to life due to some ancient Nordic curse. We want to spread the word about all this auto-mayhem, so please feel free to swipe the graphic for your own internet information page, bulletin board or virtual hob-nobbery using the code displayed below. And don’t drive angry. Or badly.    

Take Advantage of Our National Elf Service!

Posted by & filed under Competitions.

Turkey Twizzlers. Eggnog flavoured Malibu. Standing outside an all-night garage at 11.59pm on December 24th and pleading with the man inside to sell you that Neil Sedaka compilation CD from behind the counter that he actually brought from home. Christmas has many wonderful traditions. But as you may be aware, one Christmas tradition is about to be mercilessly ripped from before our eyes in a way that is neither festive or particularly jolly. For the first time since the Nativity, the film that typifies Christmas more than any other, Elf, will no longer be shown on terrestrial screens but has been snatched, Grinch style, by Sky, so it can now only be viewed by satellite dish owning Millionaires and those on remand. We’ve taken legal advice, but incredibly it seems there’s no law against it. Not even a European one. But then we remembered that in our Wiltshire bunker constructed for any occurrences connected to the Rapture, Ragnarok or a Zombie Uprising, we do have an ‘Emergency Crimbo Contingency Pack’ nestled in the lower quarters. This consists of some powdered turkey, a bauble,a collapsible Yule Log and 50 copies of Elf on DVD. In the spirit of giving and cross-promotion…