How to Go Bankrupt Like A Rockstar

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Photo Credit: Images_of_Money via Compfight cc

Hurrah! You’ve had a lottery win, Great Aunt Sylvia has popped her clogs or your novelty hit ‘Oopy Doopy Fa La La (The Poo Poo Song)‘ is number one in 12 countries.

Suddenly you’ve got tons and tons of cash that you’re determined to squander in the most ridiculous way possible. But how to burn through those piles of cash in a way fit for a reality show or hit film? And where to go for advice? Celebs?

Of course! If anyone knows how to flush tons of cash down the proverbial bog it’s our stars of stage and screen. Follow these tips and you’ll soon be back working nights at Aldi

Vehicles

How many yachts could one man need? Four? Seven? If you want to live a completely reckless celebrity lifestyle, the answer is… there is never enough. And while you can quickly sail away from the paps, you can’t escape form the fact that they cost a boatload of money.

While I don’t thing Kerry Katona had a big boat, it is rumoured she had £1.8 million worth of vehicles, before she went bust in 2008. While footballing legend George Best claimed,  “They say I wasted my money. I say 90% went on women, fast cars and booze. It was the rest I wasted.”

But if cars and yachts seem a slow painful way to waste all your earning, turn to the heady world of the private jet. You could easily blow £50 million on one of those.

See also: Ronald Isley, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt

Property

An excellent formula for frittering away enormous slabs of cash is to develop a taste for castles. It’s an affliction that seems to have gripped Wicker Man and Snake Eyes star Nicolas Cage.

With at least 15 palatial homes dotted about the globe (including the hot spot of Bath) his former business manager claimed he needed to be earning $30 million a year, just to break even. I mean, if you really hate Travelodge, I could understand looking for alternative forms of accommodation when travelling. But what about a bungalow Nic? Does it always have to be a castle?

Though Nic can’t compete with Kim Basinger who purchased THE ENTIRE TOWN of Braselton, Georgia for $20 million. Want to lose cash? Buy a town.

See also: MC Hammer, Evander Holyfield, Stephen Baldwin

Lawsuits

You know the feeling. You read a review of your new endeavour. The critic calls you ‘the acting equivalent of Birds Angel Delight‘. After kicking your exotic pet and throwing a Faberge egg through your plasma screen in anger, you decide to sue.

Great! Just one thing. Remember to win.

Failed lawsuits have hoovered the fortunes of many celebs. Zsa Zsa Gabor and Elke Sommer started feuding when Elke made disparaging remarks about Zsa Zsa’s ample backside. This kicked off a chain of events that culminated in a $10 million libel lawsuit which Gabor lost.

Zsa Zsa soon had financial woes. The fact that she gave a big chunk of change to crooked investor Bernie Madoff didn’t help either.

See also: Jonathan Aitken, Tom Petty

Wives/Husbands

Two words for you, my rich excitable friend. Pre Nup. PRE NUP. Oh, I’m being told it’s actually just one word. Still: PRENUP!

Former Wings sideman and voice actor for the popular cartoon Yellow Submarine Paul McCartney fell head over heel in love with Heather Mills. But, unusually for Beatle wives, things didn’t really work out. The divorce settlement cost him an estimated £24.3 million.

But, in this area at least, Phil Collins is better than Paul McCartney. The misty-eyed, lovelorn drumsmith has had to pay out a whopping £42 million to various former spouses, wives and well-wishers.

So if you are desperate to have your fortune literally evaporate before your eyes, rush headlong into a marriage with someone completely inappropriate. PRENUP!

See also: Chris Tarrant, John Chapman, Marvin Gaye

Addictions

The problem with drugs, unlike bubblewrap, is they are very expensive and once you’ve taken some you suddenly want to take some more. Before you know it, you’re wearing a fringe jacket and servicing the needs of rich old ladies for cash.

The stress of wearing a large clock constantly drove Flavour Flav to crack addiction. He claims he spent $2600 a day for six years on the devil’s gravel. That adds up to $5.7 million.

David Crosby believes he snorted, smoked and freebased his way through AT LEAST $10 million during his drug fuelled years. Which is still no excuse for that moustache.

But it doesn’t have to be drugs that suddenly make your wallet a whole lot lighter. Golfer John Daly burnt though $60 million of his personal fortune due to his gambling addiction. I kept telling him, the Harlem Globetrotters ALWAYS WIN. He wouldn’t listen

See also: Gladys Knight, Leif Garrett

Exotic pets

To finally shift those few pesky thousands cluttering up your bank account, a menagerie of odd creatures is a given.

Boxer Mike Tyson shed a reported $300 million fortune before filing for bankruptcy in 2003. This included $5000 a month for feeding and insuring his beloved pet tiger.

But perhaps the finest celebrity zookeeper and the greatest squanderer of all time was the late great Michael Jackson. His vast, and vastly expensive, Neverland compound had it’s own zoo containing flamingos, tigers, giraffes, reptiles, and birds.

And then there was Bubbles. Not that I’m pointing any fingers, but if it wasn’t for that monkey, perhaps we’d be enjoying Michael’s dulcet tones right now.

See also: Siegfried & Roy, Don Johnson

Read on…

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