Posts Categorized: How To…

How To Return To Real Life After Glastonbury

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WOW! That was some Glastonbury Festival wasn’t it? The weather was so… inconsistent. There was the AMAZING return of that guy who sang that song in the 1970’s. using the apple phone cases for iphone 6 Remember that guy with the great big flag who stood right in front of you during your favourite musical outfit? But now you’re back in your bedsit/childhood bedroom/car with nothing but your memories and that rash. Isn’t it terrible? You need to readjust to your boring, non-tent based life – but don’t throw yourself into your old routine too quickly or you could end up with a condition known as ‘Post Glasto Bends’ where you freak out, grow some dreads and become the bass player in Ozric Tentacles. And nobody wants that. Instead follow these few simple tips to help you slip back into your old existence without too many harmful repercussions. DON’T WASH Smell is considered one of the most powerful senses. And you are sure to smell your most powerful on the Monday morning after a major festival. By showering or having someone hose you down in the driveway, all those olfactory memories will soon be washed away, along with that unfortunate…

The Least Fit Sportsmen In History

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In recent times we’ve been spoiled by a plethora of incredible sporting events. The Olympics, World Cup and Commonwealth Games have all showcased athletes at the height of their powers and peak physical fitness. But let’s not forget that for every Mo Farah and Hulk, there’s a schlub like you and me excelling in their chosen field with a minimal amount of effort. hard case iphone 6 plus This is a celebration of those champion sporting figures who were world-beaters and still knew their way around a pie and a pint. ‘BIG’ BILL WERBENIUK A snooker behemoth who was as well known for his feats of drinking as he was for his cueing skills. His average intake was a pint per frame, which usually equalled around a dozen or so per game. It’s reported that he once drank 76 cans of lager during a game against John Spencer in the 1970’s. And he is probably the only champion sportsman who has a section of his Wikipedia entry titled ‘Trouser Splitting Incident’. phone cases iphone 7 It just goes to show you the power of multi-tasking – if you are good at two things (like snooker and drinking) why not combine…

What Dog Names Say About Their Owners

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It’s National Take Your Dog To Work Day! No matter when you’re reading this, it’s National Take Your Dog To Work Day, as it’s a completely made up thing. Probably devised by the ‘Make Your Office Smell Like a Dog Council of Great Britain’ (MYOSLDCGB). But it is a fine example of our cultish, almost dangerous affection we have for our dogs. We buy them clothes, we send them off on exotic holidays, we hire expensive psychiatrists to deal with their neurosis. And we pick up their poo in tiny bags. But does the name that we give them reflect something about our own personality and nature? Yes, yes it does. As you will discover… ROVER/BUTCH/LASSIE Traditional. You yearn for a dog from the old days who would pull clumsy toddlers from mine shafts and alert you when a fire had erupted down near the old creek and Timmy was in danger. You are utterly delusional, living in a world that no longer exists, where children went up chimneys and muffin men roamed the street, distributing their sweet breads to unsuspecting Londoners. FLUFFY/SKIPPY/MIMSY Cute. You fetishise your animal and wish it to be a toy that is played with and…

How To Smoke A Fine, Fine Cigar

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Smoking cigars has a very old school, upper-crust, Gentleman’s club vibe about it. It’s redolent of the leather Chesterfield in the drawing room after dinner, a fine Cognac warming in a glass next to the fire as a couple of chaps puff on a pair of Havanas. But, things change and you no longer have to wait for an invite to the Groucho or for one of your friends to have a baby before indulging in a cigar. All you have to do is go to the right shop, buy one and smoke it. It’s a free world, after all. An occasional cigar is a pleasure you can’t beat, on a par with a sneaky nip of single malt at the weekend or splashing out on a special bottle of red. And like wine and whisky, there’s a little bit of specialist knowledge you’ll need to enjoy your cigar at it’s best. We take you through buying a great cigar, then offer a few tips on getting the best out of your smoke.  Go to a specialist cigar shop or club They’re becoming a rare sight on high streets full of electronic cigarette shops, but the best place to go for…

How to Have a Wedding on the Cheap

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  Hurrah! You are about the become betrothed to the person you love. iphone 6 plus cases for girls Commiserations! You are skint and that situation is not going to change anytime soon. There’s only one thing for it. A scrimpy, savey, wedding on the cheap. All corners will be cut, all pennies will be pinched, all buffet items will be from Iceland (or lower). But if you simply don’t know where to start with your budget nuptials, here are a few tips to get you going. THE ENGAGEMENT Before you can even begin to think about your miserly wedding, you need to plan your miserly engagement. The ring is going to be the biggest outlay, so you need to start hunting for bargains. Remember that ‘second hand’ is just another word for ‘vintage’. Find a classic deco sparker on eBay (obviously being careful and researching exactly what you’re getting) or take a trip to the Jewellery Quarter in either Birmingham or London. Or perhaps you can gently suggest that their may be a beloved family heirloom that can be used for extra emotional resonance. Worth a try. THE PLANNING The important thing to do is organise a budget and…

How To BS Like A Wine Expert

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“Oh, this has glorious undertones of russet.” “Goodness, you can really smell the loam.” “Sharp pangs of tangerine. I don’t even want to spit it into this bucket!” Yes, wine people. We’ve all heard them, we’ve all stood next to them, we’ve all pitied them. But what the hell they talking about? Do the things that they ramble on about actually make sense? Does that weird slobbery thing they do with their mouth before spitting actually achieve anything? Can’t we all just admit that all wine basically tastes the same? But if you wish to wrestle back the reins of wine from the connoisseurs and self-appointed sommeliers, all you need to do is follow a few simple steps and drop a number of notable buzzwords. Before you know it, you’ll be sniffing disapprovingly at a barbecue Merlot like a professional. KNOW WHAT WINE IS Sounds stupid I know, but it’s remarkable how little people actually know about wine production and how it goes from grape juice to great juice (which is what I call it. I call wine ‘great juice’). The elements that go into wine production, the region, the sugar content of the grapes (known as the ‘brix’), the weather:…

Get A 2nd (3rd, Or Even 4th!) Passport Today

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Why have one, lonely passport when you can have two passports? Having a pair of passports could come in very handy indeed… For example, if you get one nicked while you’re on holiday – the other one will be safe in the hotel’s safe. If you apply for other ID, like a driving license, you can still gallivant across the globe while the DVLA drunkenly processes your form. And applying for visas will be stress-free, knowing you’ve still got a passport you can travel on while the other’s stuck in the post. But how do you got about getting one? It might be easier than you expected… How To Get Two UK passports You can have a two UK passports at the same time. Not a lot of people know that because the Passport Office doesn’t  publicise it very well. Or at all. It’s called a “concurrent passport” and it’s fairly common for frequent business travellers to have one, for two reasons: You travel for work that requires you to apply for multiple visas You travel to “incompatible countries” The first reason’s easy enough to explain. When you travel for work, you may need to apply for a permit to work in…

How To Yodel In The Swiss Alps

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Look at you. You’re young, thrusting, hip and sensational. Of course you want to yodel. Just consider the odds – every stupid, ridiculous, embarrassing thing has made a comeback eventually whether it’s clothes from the 1990’s, Veronica Mars or scabies. This means yodelling is sure to reach the heights of fashion any day now. And when it does, we want and pray for you to be ready for it. Luckily, it’s easy to learn, fun to perform and fairly cheap to maintain. So follow this easy guide and they’ll be another reason for your neighbours to send the warden round to your flat. WHAT IS A YODELLING? Back in the day when we reared sheep for food and clothing, they were forever wandering off. The people designated with the job of looking after the animals – the sheep herds if you will – thought that screaming at the top of their lungs would encourage them to return, rather than drive them further away. So in the Alps and other hilly places, this technique of calling out using high and low notes via the voice was born. Elsewhere on the planet, such as in the Middle East and Africa, similar vocal…

How To Grill A Steak Like An Expert

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It seems the easiest culinary task in the world. To brown both sides of a healthy slab of cow so it’s succulent, tasty and attractive. So why is it so gosh-dang difficult? The answer is, it isn’t, you’re just doing it wrong. Probably over-thinking it. All you need to do is have great, fresh ingredients and the right tools for the job. Soon you’ll be chowing down on perfect steaks like a hungry lumberjack or Ron Swanson after a difficult bout of woodworking. CUT Like many things in life: the thicker the better. If your steak is unnaturally scrawny, it will cook through too quickly and be dry and nasty inside. A nice thick cut will provide a deliciously cooked outer layer and a moist, tasty interior. Don’t be swizzed into thinking there’s just rump, sirloin and T-bone out there for you. Experiment with more unusual cuts such as point steaks, onglet and feather blade to find the perfect variety for your appetite. Cuts from the middle of the animal will need less cooking time than steaks from the front and rear of the beast. PREP Take your steaks out of the fridge a good 45 minutes before cooking and…

How To Win Big At Life

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Sure, you could wait for dumb luck to come along and provide you with some form of glorious victory. Like a big sucker. Or you could follow our handy tips to ensure you win massively in every gaming enterprise you embark upon (or at least the ones mentioned). That’s right, you no longer have to leave it to chance to come in first. iphone 8 plus matt black case We have every area of luck or gambling covered (see brackets above). All we ask is you send us a nice Moonpig card when you win your first million. iphone 6 case galaxy LOTTERY When trying to win the lottery there are a huge amount of don’ts to focus on, rather than do’s. Don’t bother joining a syndicate, even if you do win you’ll be sharing your reward amongst a huge amount of people. Patterns or clusters of numbers are equally ineffectual as there are too many other people using the same method, so again your jackpot will be shared. According to the statistics, buying twenty tickets for a single lottery draw has better odds than than buying one ticket over twenty draws. And mathematical types have concluded that if all…