Posts Categorized: How To…

How To Get A Street Named After You

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  There’s no better way to go down in history than to have a street named after you. Just think of the thoroughfares you walk down every day, named after historical figures, local dignitaries and the hoi polloi. Could that be your street? In decades and centuries to come, could the great unwashed masses of your town be strolling down boulevards and into cul-de-sacs named after you? The short answer is yes. Yes they could. But it won’t be easy. We investigate the laws and loopholes that will help you get a street with your name on it. Who decides what streets are called? Street naming regulations are enshrined in UK law. Your local borough or district council is responsible for assigning street names (and house numbers). The legislation can be found in the Towns Improvement Clauses Act 1847 and the Public Health Act of 1925. Naming streets is a big responsibility for council planning departments. They have to consider the character of the area, the sensitivities of residents and the needs of local organisations. The council has to work with postal and emergency services to make sure the names are clear and properties easy to find. All newly named and…

How to Crash Weddings

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Aren’t wedding parties the best thing ever? There’s lots of food and lots of drink. There’s music, dancing and dressing up. Everyone’s in a good mood and all the single people feel, you know, a bit frisky. Trouble is, how often do your friends and family get hitched? Not enough is what we say! There were 234, 464 weddings last year in the UK alone. That’s nearly a quarter of a million parties you could have been to in 2013 – that you missed. What’s that you say? You weren’t invited? Don’t let a little thing like that put you off. Who needs to wait for an invitation to a wedding when, with a little bit ingenuity, you can go to any wedding you like. Without giving too much away, we have form in this department. We have a very particular set of skills. Skills that enable us to crash any wedding, any time. And now you can too. Folks, put a carnation in your buttonhole. Here’s everything you need to know to successfully crash a wedding party. The best weddings to crash You can’t just crash any old wedding reception. Some are far too small and you’ll soon be noticed….

How To Shoot a Semi-Automatic Gun

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OK, first things first hotshot. What is a semi-automatic weapon? Put simply it’s a gun that ejects a spent shell then loads a bullet into the chamber after the first one is fired (if there’s one available). Unlike those dang muskets that I’ve been favouring lately, which are a pain to load, but do look really nice. They can come in pistol, shotgun or rifle varieties (semi-automatics, not muskets). They are different to automatic firearms, as they are the ones that go NER-NER-NER-NER-NER-NER-NER in a very satisfying way. So, once you are in the vicinity of a semi-automatic gun, how do you fire it without looking like a doofus or making blood come out of yourself? BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING I know how badly you want to shoot that lovely gun that you have in front of you, but first remember a few important safety rules. Never point a gun, any gun, at anyone ever. Even if you know it isn’t loaded. In fact, always assume that any gun you ever handle is loaded and act accordingly. Be concious of where the bangy end of the gun is pointing at all times. Never have your finger on the trigger, until…

How to Get Free Hotel Upgrades In Las Vegas

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I used to have a pretty rock sold assumption that anyone with an English accent could get away with just about anything in America, particularly when it came to getting a free upgrade in Las Vegas. So smitten were they with my accent you would see them visibly melting just hearing me utter the words “hello, how are you.”  I have to admit though, there were times I adapted my own particular persona depending on the circumstances I was faced with. I’ve been Lord Mossack of London Town,  if I needed posh private school, or just plain Handy Andy if Mary Poppins east-end cockney was called for. Either way it worked a treat, like in the movie Jerry Maguire, I often had them at hello.. But these days things are very different thanks to Downton Abbey. Now my American friends can, at a flick of a switch, have their fill of an English accent whenever they so desire it, so getting that free upgrade was still possible of course, it simply meant I had to adapt to a different type of strategy. So, if we want to succeed in bagging a free upgrade in Vegas we need to get a…

“Three Card Monte”: Can You Beat The Scams?

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“A strange game. The only winning move is not to play” It’s true of thermonuclear war, noughts and crosses and, it turns out, Three Card Monte. Otherwise known as Find the Lady or The Three Card Trick, the goal of Three Card Monte is simple. I have three cards, a queen, and two other cards of any type in a row in front of me. I’ve shown you which card is the queen, and now I’m going to put them face down, shuffle them around a bit, and then if you can guess which card is the queen, I’ll give you money. Sounds straight forward enough and you’ll find this game being played on street corners the world over. So why is it so hard to win? Well, the primary reason why it’s such a hard game to beat is disappointingly prosaic. Magician Ali Cook explains, “It is possible, but if you did win, the minute you turned the corner someone would just mug you anyway. The people who do the Three Card Monte are not nice people, and it’s not just one guy at a table. There are normally around seven people in a crew. But even without the…

How To Kill Time In Any Airport In The World

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Holidays would be great if you didn’t have to travel. Where are all the teleportation devices we were promised in lying television shows such as Star Trek and Tomorrow’s World? And Bullseye didn’t help either. Perhaps the most annoying vacation aspect is the airport. Once you’ve checked in, drank heavily and bought a cruller, what’s there left to do? Here are some seriously pointless, utterly ridiculous, potentially life threatening airport time-wasting activities to sort of enjoy… #1 – Announcement Russian Roulette Not for the faint hearted. If you’re in a group of like-minded idiots, wait by the gate but don’t board your plane until the last available second. Then sit there in delirious anticipation as the frustrated airline worker continually calls your name over the loud speaker system. Who will be the last to crack and make themselves known to the counter staff? Will you miss your flight to Bruges completely? Yes. Probably. #2 – Baggage Steeplechase Fun to play with friends, or slightly disturbing to those around you if alone. At the baggage carousel, bet on whose luggage will be first out of the shoot. Dirty tricks such as manoeuvring your suitcase, ‘accidentally’ blocking others and bribing small children…

How to Go Bankrupt Like A Rockstar

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Hurrah! You’ve had a lottery win, Great Aunt Sylvia has popped her clogs or your novelty hit ‘Oopy Doopy Fa La La (The Poo Poo Song)‘ is number one in 12 countries. Suddenly you’ve got tons and tons of cash that you’re determined to squander in the most ridiculous way possible. But how to burn through those piles of cash in a way fit for a reality show or hit film? And where to go for advice? Celebs? Of course! If anyone knows how to flush tons of cash down the proverbial bog it’s our stars of stage and screen. Follow these tips and you’ll soon be back working nights at Aldi… Vehicles How many yachts could one man need? Four? Seven? If you want to live a completely reckless celebrity lifestyle, the answer is… there is never enough. And while you can quickly sail away from the paps, you can’t escape form the fact that they cost a boatload of money. While I don’t thing Kerry Katona had a big boat, it is rumoured she had £1.8 million worth of vehicles, before she went bust in 2008. While footballing legend George Best claimed,  “They say I wasted my money….

How To Take Afternoon Tea Like The British

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What could be more British than Afternoon Tea? A bulldog lapping up a balti resting on a Paul Nicholas album? Nope, Afternoon Tea takes the biscuit. Apparently we should blame the 7th Duchess of Bedford for adding this extra layer of snobbery to our already tradition-laden customs as she had a sinking feeling by late afternoon and simply could not wait until dinner. So, as a Ginsters and a Mars bar was not really an option in those days, she ordered tea, bread and butter plus cakes and the rest, as they say, is history. What is afternoon tea? Because we have to confuse even the simplest procedures, the British actually invented two kinds of afternoon tea: Low Tea and High Tea. Our dear American friends still get gloriously baffled in that delightful way of theirs by the whole ‘scone and beverage’ business and they seem to think that High Tea implies a high class, expensive meal enjoyed by well-heeled members of the aristocracy. Well, as the Yankee Doodles say, ‘Lemme tell ya how it all be, pilgrim’. High Tea actually refers to an afternoon tea served on a dining table and Low Tea tends to rest on a low…

10 Things You Can Only Do In A Rental Car

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Just not *our* rental cars, we hasten to add… Renting a hire car is practically a licence to print money. But what can you do with all that money and the car you just hired? Lots of stuff! Just like when you rent a human being, there’s a whole new world on offer. Check out these hot, hot, hot things to do in a rental car style ideas. Jackrabbit Starts Sure you don’t want to bunny-hop start your own car, but you’re in a rental stupid and anything goes, including this hideously fuel-wasteful way to get going. All you have to do is release the clutch pedal as you’re applying the gas. Tyres spinning like a DJ with severe mental health problems and approving looks from low-lifes are guaranteed. Starskey And Hutch Bonnet Slides See also ‘The Professionals’. There is only one cool and convincing way to travel from the front door of your bed-sit to somewhere near the front door of your vehicle. Pick up speed then slide across the bonnet with arms aloft and your face pressed into an expression of criminal crotch-kicking determination. Nascar Doughnuts Though NASCAR has adopted this tyre-screeching, skidmark application as a form of…

9 Crazy Facts About the Mile High Club

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Back in the day, people enjoyed romantic encounters on aircraft willy-nilly. Politicians, celebrities, pop stars – you name it, they were at it! Well, we’re recreating those heady days before those Brussel-crats in Strasbourg went health and safety crazy and practically. Wish.co.uk is launching our own luxury Mile High Club! We have a plane with a discreet, non-judgemental pilot attached and a fully stocked boudoir that contains everything you need to consort in the air. Sheets! Pillows! Booze! A laminated safety information booklet! All will be yours to handle erotically. You’ll get around a hour to commit whatever acts you have dreamed up, miles above the glorious British countryside. What more stimulation could a person possibly need? We promise, this is all true and above board – really, really high above board. Set your love doors to cross check and get rude at altitude with our remarkable Mile High Club. All the details are right here… But what else should you know about the Mile High Club? Read on to find out… The 9 Crazy Facts*… * Read: “made up facts”… #1. The Mile High Club was conceived accidently when a consignment of the aftershave Blue Stratos became dislodged and spilled…