For possibly the first time in the British Isles we’re attempting to show some solidarity with our filthy foreign neighbours, in an experience of supreme sauciness.
That’s right, we want to send you a friend and another friend on a delightful weekend away! Together! Yes, that sort of together. The kind of together that occurs when a Mummy and a Daddy love each other very much, so much in fact that they decide to get someone else involved.
We’re offering you the chance to break all sorts of taboos at a luxury 5-star resort in the Lake District, featuring champagne and chocolates on arrival, a room decorated with rose petals and fairy lights, followed by a slap up Cumbrian Breakfast the next morning. If you are not too ashamed too eat.
You will also receive delicious chocolates, which may break the tension slightly. ‘Oh look, chocolates’, you can say to your companions, ‘that’s nice’ you can add awkwardly, before slowly closing the door and dwelling on what is about to happen.
If you haven’t hurled your laptop across the room in blind, morally-outraged fury, this may be the perfect package for you. And you. And also *gasp* you! Enjoy this unique, thoroughly non-British, borderline illegal experience in 5 star luxury.
Even ABC Television in the US of A were suitably outraged about our offer, as it was discussed on one of their fine morning talk shows as this picture of them being outraged testifies, especially that man at the end who looks as if his head might explode in outrageousness:
All avenues of the Fourth estate released a collective gasp when news of this very special development were announced. Even major media movers like Nicky Campbell were chatting about it on BBC Five Live.
What are you waiting for? A sudden lapse of morals? A brief relaxation of widely held beliefs and mores? The return of your ‘special friend’ Keith from his trip to Thailand? If you are the sort to subscribe to certain pay-monthly, subscription only websites, then enjoy this luxury one night romantic break FOR THREE!