How To Win Big At Life

Written by

The_Cardsharps

Sure, you could wait for dumb luck to come along and provide you with some form of glorious victory. Like a big sucker. Or you could follow our handy tips to ensure you win massively in every gaming enterprise you embark upon (or at least the ones mentioned). That’s right, you no longer have to leave it to chance to come in first. We have every area of luck or gambling covered (see brackets above). All we ask is you send us a nice Moonpig card when you win your first million.

LOTTERY

When trying to win the lottery there are a huge amount of don’ts to focus on, rather than do’s. Don’t bother joining a syndicate, even if you do win you’ll be sharing your reward amongst a huge amount of people. Patterns or clusters of numbers are equally ineffectual as there are too many other people using the same method, so again your jackpot will be shared.

According to the statistics, buying twenty tickets for a single lottery draw has better odds than than buying one ticket over twenty draws. And mathematical types have concluded that if all the numbers you select add up to more than 177, that has a better chance of winning, possibly because higher numbers are selected less by schlubs like you.

"EuroMillions tickets" by Magnus D from London, United Kingdom - Håll tummarna!. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

“EuroMillions tickets” by Magnus D from London, United Kingdom – Håll tummarna!. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

POKER

Some think that a poker face is the secret to being a great card player. But recent studies have shown that hand movements are more important than facial expressions when you are trying to convince your opponent that you have a great hand. Smooth, fluid movements denote confidence, whereas any sort of stuttering action makes you seem unsure.

Once you have the body language down, the important thing to remember is only playing hands you know you can win. You might have to wait ages for the perfect chance to play, but be patient. The mistake every novice poker player makes is getting over eager and taking a chance on a hand you’re unsure of or, even worse, trying to bluff. Just hang in there and play it cool until the perfect combination emerges.

"Holdem" by Todd Klassy - http://flickr.com/photos/latitudes/66492870/in/set-1442169/. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 via Wikimedia Commons

“Holdem” by Todd Klassy – http://flickr.com/photos/latitudes/66492870/in/set-1442169/. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 via Wikimedia Commons

HORSE RACING

Believe it or not, the most successful method of betting on the gee-gees is not simply to pick either the prettiest stallion or the one with the funniest name.  Betting on favourites is actually the best option, as you’ll taste the sweet tang of victory about a third of the time. Beyond that, it’s all down to research. Racing veterans will examine every element of data to do with a horse, a jockey, the stable it’s trained at, the racecourse and the conditions before the event.

And then if you want to make your life even more complicated, but add the possibility of making even more money, you can try some crazy betting system such as a Trifecta, where you pick the first, second and third placings accurately. But even with all that racing knowledge surging through your brain and the mathematics surrounding some crazy bet formations worked out, you still have to rely on the horse. And horses are never reliable.

"Horserace 520133030" by Slooby from Chicago, U.S.A., upload by Herrick - Race Time !. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

“Horserace 520133030” by Slooby from Chicago, U.S.A., upload by Herrick – Race Time !. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

ROULETTE

Roulette has the reputation for being something of a suckers game. But there are things you can do to gain an advantage and nudge the odds in your favour. Firstly, play European roulette rather than the American variety which has a 00 slot, reducing your chances of winning.

If you’re playing in a casino, observe a particular table to make sure the croupier is spinning the wheel with different amounts of effort each time. If they appear to be using the same amount of force, they could be (unwittingly) providing a bias in the house’s favour. Stick to betting on the outside, so the red/black, odd/even, high/low bets. They might be less Bond like, but the odds are preferable. And if you lose, double up and bet again (the Martingale method). The odds of making your money back are increased hugely, as long as you have the cash to continue.

"Roulette - detail" by Conor Ogle from London, UK - Spin. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

“Roulette – detail” by Conor Ogle from London, UK – Spin. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

SLOT MACHINES

The classic Fruity in a pub or casino is not random, as you might suspect. It knows what it is doing and while it will eventually pay out a jackpot, it won’t do it by chance. But there are ways to gain more of an advantage. Machines with a smaller jackpot are more likely to pay out than a machine with a whopping one. Play as much money as you can each time. For instance, a machine that is a pound per spin will pay out more often than on which is 10p a go.

And the more you wager, the more you’ll make. With most machines, there is no chance of winning the jackpot unless you take the ‘max credit’ option before you spin, betting all of your available cash. Slots in high visibility areas (in lobbies or at the ends of banks of machines) tend to pay out more often than those tucked away, just to attract custom, so aim for those. And when you win anything, bank it rather than chucking it back into the machine.

"Slot machine" by Jeff Kubina from the milky way galaxy - Slot Machine. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution

“Slot machine” by Jeff Kubina from the milky way galaxy – Slot Machine. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution

MONOPOLY

OK, so you might not make the same amount of money by winning at Monopoly, but the prestige you will accumulate will be just as impressive. Once you’ve been around the board, start buying like a fiend. Get everything you can, unless it’s a set of colours already owned by more than one other player.

The best set to get is the pinks and oranges, as they are right outside jail, so people will pass over them more often. Build on your cheapest properties first, as it costs less initially, so the return is greater when people drop on them. And don’t despair if you end up in jail. It’s a safe place to be as you can still collect rent on your properties, while not spending cash on anyone else’s. Sneaky but effective.

"US Deluxe Monopoly Tokens" by Original uploader was ScooterSES at en.wikipedia - Originally from en.wikipedia; description page is/was here.. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia

“US Deluxe Monopoly Tokens” by Original uploader was ScooterSES at en.wikipedia – Originally from en.wikipedia; description page is/was here.. Licensed under Public domain via Wikimedia

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