Posts By: Dale wins New Media Age & WebUser awards!

Posted by & filed under Media, News.

You see? We told you we were great, why didn’t you believe us? Despite your disturbing lack of faith, the good, nay great, folks at Web User (dedicated to those who ‘use’ the ‘web’) and New Media Age (because this is the age of New Media) have decided to recognise our very niceness. Web User quite rightly gave us a five star review and considered us the website of the fortnight (that’s two whole weeks, which doesn’t sound like much but imagine having the hiccups for that long, then I think you can appreciate the success). See what they said OVER HERE. New Media Age scoured our site like virtual Health and Safety Inspectors standing beside a dodgy Waltzer and deemed us  to have ‘strong content’ and ‘seamless choosing experience’. Here is their fine, fine report RIGHT HERE Thanks to both for their plaudits and if we gave out awards, you can be sure we’d have you both on the red carpet. See for yourself and take a look at our great range of experiences RIGHT HERE.

Welcome to

Posted by & filed under News.

Please, we beg you, be less boring. Now don’t get all huffy and indignant – even though you do look unbearably cute when you’re pouting. We want to help you in your banishment of boredom. How? Welcome to! Your hub for all things excitement. We are offering you, the good people of Earth, a massive array of incredible experiences. We’re talking Zombies, Afternoon Teas, Photoshoots, Skydiving, Sphereing, SWAT Training, River Cruises, Racecar Driving and a literal slew of others. All at a low, low price, fully guaranteed payments and the best customer service on this and any other world. How does it work? Perhaps this fabulous video can illustrate: Still confused? Feel free to finger through our manifesto RIGHT HERE. Everything you need to know is over on our WEBSITE. APRIL 2013 UPDATE: We never got around to doing our blog they way we wanted to. Until a quiet Sunday this month. We’ve *finally* published our old blog posts that were previously unpublished (read: half-finished in the “drafts” folder). They tell the story in all it’s glory. Go check them out!

“I Do”: How To Ask Somebody To Marry You

Posted by & filed under Factoid, Infographics.

As my fiancee shouts at me every morning, ‘Wedding is just one letter away from weeding.” I have no idea what she means by this and I think that’s why the relationship works. A baffling coupling based on confusion and wrong-footedness. And when that special day comes and we finally confirm our nuptials, I’m sure we’ll perform it in a particularly exasperating way. Perhaps with one us dressed as a Victorian urchin and the other as Mr. T as oompah music blares. We’re just those kinds of people. But we are not alone in wanting to start our married life in a unique and  exceptional way. All across the planet, couples are pledging their troth in a staggering amount of peculiar ways, with some of the most bizarre displayed in the lovely illustration which lives below these words. And if you want this delightful artefact for your own devices then simply help yourself to code at the bottom of the page and have at it.

National Stereotypes: What Subject Is Your Country Obsessed With?

Posted by & filed under Factoid, Infographics.

Ah, abroad. That magical place where crisps have comically lavatorial names, where umlauts run free and where all Eurovision winners come from. When it comes to foreign lands, we know where they are, what weird money they use and who the latest El Presidente is. But what makes them tick? What is going on in those hilariously hatted heads of theirs? What are their obsessions? Their drives? Their mating habits? We visited every country on the planet, undertook months of painstaking interviews and spent hours and hours in many nation’s libraries and centres of excellence. But then we accidentally deleted the results while trying to download that video of the cat being sick on the other cat. Instead we went on Google, typed in a few keywords and quickly knocked this Infographic together. Enjoy! And if you want it to, you can! Just use the code beneath it to stick it wherever you like.

“Experiences” vs “Stuff”: Which Makes Us Happier?

Posted by & filed under Factoid, Infographics.

You would not believe how much money I am being paid to write these words. As a professional freelance writer, I am obviously in the upper echelons of commerce and employment. I enjoy a life of luxury, raking in all the sweet, sweet copy-writing cash then splurging my profits on loose cars, fast women and the art of Ronnie Wood. But am I happy? Yes. Deliriously. But I am unusual. It seems that money doesn’t necessarily make us happy. Once the underclasses (people like you) happen to encounter any kind of fiduciary rewards, they panic, begin to cry hysterically and instantly hand over all their money to the nearest identity thief or late night, bingo based quiz show. But why should this be so? We’ve collected all the data, conducted a number of searches on Google AND Bing and asked the man at the bank. Using this information we’ve put together this illustrated document pinpointing what makes us happier when we throw cash at them: Things or doing things. Which one will win? Only reading on, using your eyes, can inflict the answer upon you. And if you would like this delightful enterprise for your own webbed site, simply swipe the…

How To Spot A Fake Rolex

Posted by & filed under Factoid, Infographics.

If you’re anything like me, you buy all of your stuff from a bloke called Tony with a wolf tattooed on his neck who operates out of the back of a pub car park. Perishables, white goods, even valuable items of celebrity memorabilia; give him 24 hours and Tony can get his hands on it. When he’s not inside. Obviously, what Tony does is completely above board and legitimate. But unfortunately, not everyone is like Tony. There are other types out there who trade in shoddy counterfeit items which fall apart or burst into flames as soon as you plug them in. Many of these fake objects are produced with exceptional quality, almost identical to the real thing. One of the luxury products most often counterfeited (after fake ‘Noel Edmonds Style Deal Or No Deal Comedy Beards’) are Rolex watches. Whether your a Championship football player or a national weatherman, you will need a Rolex to indicate your worth. But if you’re approached with a large, gaudy wristwatch, how can you tell whether its the real thing? Unless it say ‘Bolex’ on the front, obviously. Here are the main ways you can tell a made up Rolex from the real…

The Ultimate Road Trip: 12 Lessons From Hollywood Movies

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Once upon a time, oafs and yokels turned to the village wise man for knowledge. With a face full of white beard, a pointy hat and a wide-sleeved garment, this oracle would dispense vital information such as ‘fire is hot’, ‘bears can eat you’ and ‘please don’t do that, it’s disgusting’. But wise men are no more. If some bloke in a beard and funny head gear suddenly started spouting facts at us unexpectedly, we’d run away and call social services. They have been replaced. By Hollywood. Yes, movies, films and the talkies now provide all of our knowledge, wisdom and instinct. For instance, I joined the Police Academy seven times, immediately after seeing each film in the franchise. I spent eleven years searching for Curly’s Gold. And I still believe that I am in some kind of Matrix and have the raincoat to prove it. One activity that Hollywood movies can definitely inform us about is the Road Trip. Whether its Thelma and Louise or My Left Foot, film characters are always leaping into their jalopies, screaming ‘ROAD TRIP’ and burning rubber to a kick-ass 80’s soundtrack. And if you want to conduct a road trip of your own,…

Reptilian Shapeshifters: Which Celebrities Are Really Reptiles?

Posted by & filed under Celebrities, How To..., Infographics.

I think there can be no doubt at all that some of us are aliens. There’s simply too much evidence out there and too many blogs, sites and niche magazines dedicated to the fact. But there seems to be a massive proportion of the famous and renowned who were born as thinly disguised reptiles, arrived here from another planet and decided to pursue a career in light entertainment while avidly observing our behaviour. A few brave souls, particularly on YouTube, are dedicated to unmasking these lizard people for the baddies that they are and telling the world who is a shapeshifter and why. Here are a few of the top candidates, with indefatigable proof included. GEORGE BUSH Not George W. Bush, he is merely the son of an alien, but his dad, George Bush Snr, the one that Homer Simpson beat up. In this video, you can see that his fearful reptillian eyes shape-shift in a weird manner during a debate with Bill Clinton (probably another alien, he just hides it better). Others claim his weird eyes are down to demonic possession. Either way, it’s not good. PAUL McCARTNEY You’ll see a whole host of reptillian shape-shifters on offer in…

How To Win Big At Life

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Sure, you could wait for dumb luck to come along and provide you with some form of glorious victory. Like a big sucker. Or you could follow our handy tips to ensure you win massively in every gaming enterprise you embark upon (or at least the ones mentioned). That’s right, you no longer have to leave it to chance to come in first. We have every area of luck or gambling covered (see brackets above). All we ask is you send us a nice Moonpig card when you win your first million. LOTTERY When trying to win the lottery there are a huge amount of don’ts to focus on, rather than do’s. Don’t bother joining a syndicate, even if you do win you’ll be sharing your reward amongst a huge amount of people. Patterns or clusters of numbers are equally ineffectual as there are too many other people using the same method, so again your jackpot will be shared. According to the statistics, buying twenty tickets for a single lottery draw has better odds than than buying one ticket over twenty draws. And mathematical types have concluded that if all the numbers you select add up to more than 177,…

The Weirdest Things Found Inside Something Else

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As a civilisation, we love things being inside other things. Meat inside bread forms the globes favourite food: the sandwich! People inside rooms creates the best sort of dwelling: a house! Men with big beards inside caves are our most enjoyable type of weirdo: the hermit! But occasionally, due to human error or witchcraft, things that are never supposed to be in other things end up in other things. And then the internet writes about it. Here is just a smattering of bizarre items that have unexpectedly turned up within stuff they shouldn’t have. A CHILD IN A PARCEL Fans of the Velvet Underground will know the tale of poor Waldo who, in the song The Gift, who mails himself to his girlfriend in a big box with disastrous results. But Waldo wasn’t the first to try this. After the US postal service was created in 1913, people immediately started taking the mickey and pushing this new novelty enterprise to its limits by seeing what weird stuff they could send to each other. Including, in 1913, a baby which the Beauge family of Ohio sent parcel post to it’s grandmother, as it was cheaper than the train. Even though the…