Posts Categorized: How To…

OK, first things first hotshot. What is a semi-automatic weapon? Put simply it’s a gun that ejects a spent shell then loads a bullet into the chamber after the first one is fired (if there’s one available). Unlike those dang muskets that I’ve been favouring lately, which are a pain to load, but do look really nice. They can come in pistol, shotgun or rifle varieties (semi-automatics, not muskets). They are different to automatic firearms, as they are the ones that go NER-NER-NER-NER-NER-NER-NER in a very satisfying way. So, once you are in the vicinity of a semi-automatic gun, how do you fire it without looking like a doofus or making blood come out of yourself? BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING I know how badly you want to shoot that lovely gun that you have in front of you, but first remember a few important safety rules. Never point a gun, any gun, at anyone ever. Even if you know it isn’t loaded. In fact, always assume that any gun you ever handle is loaded and act accordingly. Be concious of where the bangy end of the gun is pointing at all times. Never have your finger on the trigger, until…

I used to have a pretty rock sold assumption that anyone with an English accent could get away with just about anything in America, particularly when it came to getting a free upgrade in Las Vegas. So smitten were they with my accent you would see them visibly melting just hearing me utter the words “hello, how are you.”  I have to admit though, there were times I adapted my own particular persona depending on the circumstances I was faced with. I’ve been Lord Mossack of London Town,  if I needed posh private school, or just plain Handy Andy if Mary Poppins east-end cockney was called for. Either way it worked a treat, like in the movie Jerry Maguire, I often had them at hello.. But these days things are very different thanks to Downton Abbey. Now my American friends can, at a flick of a switch, have their fill of an English accent whenever they so desire it, so getting that free upgrade was still possible of course, it simply meant I had to adapt to a different type of strategy. So, if we want to succeed in bagging a free upgrade in Vegas we need to get a…

Holidays would be great if you didn’t have to travel. Where are all the teleportation devices we were promised in lying television shows such as Star Trek and Tomorrow’s World? And Bullseye didn’t help either. Perhaps the most annoying vacation aspect is the airport. Once you’ve checked in, drank heavily and bought a cruller, what’s there left to do? Here are some seriously pointless, utterly ridiculous, potentially life threatening airport time-wasting activities to sort of enjoy… #1 – Announcement Russian Roulette Not for the faint hearted. If you’re in a group of like-minded idiots, wait by the gate but don’t board your plane until the last available second. Then sit there in delirious anticipation as the frustrated airline worker continually calls your name over the loud speaker system. Who will be the last to crack and make themselves known to the counter staff? Will you miss your flight to Bruges completely? Yes. Probably. #2 – Baggage Steeplechase Fun to play with friends, or slightly disturbing to those around you if alone. At the baggage carousel, bet on whose luggage will be first out of the shoot. Dirty tricks such as manoeuvring your suitcase, ‘accidentally’ blocking others and bribing small children…

Just not *our* rental cars, we hasten to add… Renting a hire car is practically a licence to print money. But what can you do with all that money and the car you just hired? Lots of stuff! Just like when you rent a human being, there’s a whole new world on offer. Check out these hot, hot, hot things to do in a rental car style ideas. Jackrabbit Starts Sure you don’t want to bunny-hop start your own car, but you’re in a rental stupid and anything goes, including this hideously fuel-wasteful way to get going. All you have to do is release the clutch pedal as you’re applying the gas. Tyres spinning like a DJ with severe mental health problems and approving looks from low-lifes are guaranteed. Starskey And Hutch Bonnet Slides See also ‘The Professionals’. There is only one cool and convincing way to travel from the front door of your bed-sit to somewhere near the front door of your vehicle. Pick up speed then slide across the bonnet with arms aloft and your face pressed into an expression of criminal crotch-kicking determination. Nascar Doughnuts Though NASCAR has adopted this tyre-screeching, skidmark application as a form of…

Back in the day, people enjoyed romantic encounters on aircraft willy-nilly. Politicians, celebrities, pop stars – you name it, they were at it! Well, we’re recreating those heady days before those Brussel-crats in Strasbourg went health and safety crazy and practically. Wish.co.uk is launching our own luxury Mile High Club! We have a plane with a discreet, non-judgemental pilot attached and a fully stocked boudoir that contains everything you need to consort in the air. Sheets! Pillows! Booze! A laminated safety information booklet! All will be yours to handle erotically. You’ll get around a hour to commit whatever acts you have dreamed up, miles above the glorious British countryside. What more stimulation could a person possibly need? We promise, this is all true and above board – really, really high above board. Set your love doors to cross check and get rude at altitude with our remarkable Mile High Club. All the details are right here… But what else should you know about the Mile High Club? Read on to find out… The 9 Crazy Facts*… * Read: “made up facts”… #1. The Mile High Club was conceived accidently when a consignment of the aftershave Blue Stratos became dislodged and spilled…