Posts Categorized: Infographics

“I Do”: How To Ask Somebody To Marry You

Posted by & filed under Factoid, Infographics.

As my fiancee shouts at me every morning, ‘Wedding is just one letter away from weeding.” I have no idea what she means by this and I think that’s why the relationship works. A baffling coupling based on confusion and wrong-footedness. And when that special day comes and we finally confirm our nuptials, I’m sure we’ll perform it in a particularly exasperating way. Perhaps with one us dressed as a Victorian urchin and the other as Mr. T as oompah music blares. We’re just those kinds of people. But we are not alone in wanting to start our married life in a unique and  exceptional way. All across the planet, couples are pledging their troth in a staggering amount of peculiar ways, with some of the most bizarre displayed in the lovely illustration which lives below these words. And if you want this delightful artefact for your own devices then simply help yourself to code at the bottom of the page and have at it.

National Stereotypes: What Subject Is Your Country Obsessed With?

Posted by & filed under Factoid, Infographics.

Ah, abroad. That magical place where crisps have comically lavatorial names, where umlauts run free and where all Eurovision winners come from. When it comes to foreign lands, we know where they are, what weird money they use and who the latest El Presidente is. But what makes them tick? What is going on in those hilariously hatted heads of theirs? What are their obsessions? Their drives? Their mating habits? We visited every country on the planet, undertook months of painstaking interviews and spent hours and hours in many nation’s libraries and centres of excellence. But then we accidentally deleted the results while trying to download that video of the cat being sick on the other cat. Instead we went on Google, typed in a few keywords and quickly knocked this Infographic together. Enjoy! And if you want it to, you can! Just use the code beneath it to stick it wherever you like.

“Experiences” vs “Stuff”: Which Makes Us Happier?

Posted by & filed under Factoid, Infographics.

You would not believe how much money I am being paid to write these words. As a professional freelance writer, I am obviously in the upper echelons of commerce and employment. I enjoy a life of luxury, raking in all the sweet, sweet copy-writing cash then splurging my profits on loose cars, fast women and the art of Ronnie Wood. But am I happy? Yes. Deliriously. But I am unusual. It seems that money doesn’t necessarily make us happy. Once the underclasses (people like you) happen to encounter any kind of fiduciary rewards, they panic, begin to cry hysterically and instantly hand over all their money to the nearest identity thief or late night, bingo based quiz show. But why should this be so? We’ve collected all the data, conducted a number of searches on Google AND Bing and asked the man at the bank. Using this information we’ve put together this illustrated document pinpointing what makes us happier when we throw cash at them: Things or doing things. Which one will win? Only reading on, using your eyes, can inflict the answer upon you. And if you would like this delightful enterprise for your own webbed site, simply swipe the…

How To Spot A Fake Rolex

Posted by & filed under Factoid, Infographics.

If you’re anything like me, you buy all of your stuff from a bloke called Tony with a wolf tattooed on his neck who operates out of the back of a pub car park. Perishables, white goods, even valuable items of celebrity memorabilia; give him 24 hours and Tony can get his hands on it. When he’s not inside. Obviously, what Tony does is completely above board and legitimate. But unfortunately, not everyone is like Tony. There are other types out there who trade in shoddy counterfeit items which fall apart or burst into flames as soon as you plug them in. Many of these fake objects are produced with exceptional quality, almost identical to the real thing. One of the luxury products most often counterfeited (after fake ‘Noel Edmonds Style Deal Or No Deal Comedy Beards’) are Rolex watches. Whether your a Championship football player or a national weatherman, you will need a Rolex to indicate your worth. But if you’re approached with a large, gaudy wristwatch, how can you tell whether its the real thing? Unless it say ‘Bolex’ on the front, obviously. Here are the main ways you can tell a made up Rolex from the real…

The Ultimate Road Trip: 12 Lessons From Hollywood Movies

Posted by & filed under Factoid, Infographics.

Once upon a time, oafs and yokels turned to the village wise man for knowledge. With a face full of white beard, a pointy hat and a wide-sleeved garment, this oracle would dispense vital information such as ‘fire is hot’, ‘bears can eat you’ and ‘please don’t do that, it’s disgusting’. But wise men are no more. If some bloke in a beard and funny head gear suddenly started spouting facts at us unexpectedly, we’d run away and call social services. They have been replaced. By Hollywood. Yes, movies, films and the talkies now provide all of our knowledge, wisdom and instinct. For instance, I joined the Police Academy seven times, immediately after seeing each film in the franchise. I spent eleven years searching for Curly’s Gold. And I still believe that I am in some kind of Matrix and have the raincoat to prove it. One activity that Hollywood movies can definitely inform us about is the Road Trip. Whether its Thelma and Louise or My Left Foot, film characters are always leaping into their jalopies, screaming ‘ROAD TRIP’ and burning rubber to a kick-ass 80’s soundtrack. And if you want to conduct a road trip of your own,…

Reptilian Shapeshifters: Which Celebrities Are Really Reptiles?

Posted by & filed under Celebrities, How To..., Infographics.

I think there can be no doubt at all that some of us are aliens. There’s simply too much evidence out there and too many blogs, sites and niche magazines dedicated to the fact. But there seems to be a massive proportion of the famous and renowned who were born as thinly disguised reptiles, arrived here from another planet and decided to pursue a career in light entertainment while avidly observing our behaviour. A few brave souls, particularly on YouTube, are dedicated to unmasking these lizard people for the baddies that they are and telling the world who is a shapeshifter and why. Here are a few of the top candidates, with indefatigable proof included. GEORGE BUSH Not George W. Bush, he is merely the son of an alien, but his dad, George Bush Snr, the one that Homer Simpson beat up. In this video, you can see that his fearful reptillian eyes shape-shift in a weird manner during a debate with Bill Clinton (probably another alien, he just hides it better). Others claim his weird eyes are down to demonic possession. Either way, it’s not good. PAUL McCARTNEY You’ll see a whole host of reptillian shape-shifters on offer in…

The Weirdest Things Found Inside Something Else

Posted by & filed under How To..., Infographics.

As a civilisation, we love things being inside other things. Meat inside bread forms the globes favourite food: the sandwich! People inside rooms creates the best sort of dwelling: a house! Men with big beards inside caves are our most enjoyable type of weirdo: the hermit! But occasionally, due to human error or witchcraft, things that are never supposed to be in other things end up in other things. And then the internet writes about it. Here is just a smattering of bizarre items that have unexpectedly turned up within stuff they shouldn’t have. A CHILD IN A PARCEL Fans of the Velvet Underground will know the tale of poor Waldo who, in the song The Gift, who mails himself to his girlfriend in a big box with disastrous results. But Waldo wasn’t the first to try this. After the US postal service was created in 1913, people immediately started taking the mickey and pushing this new novelty enterprise to its limits by seeing what weird stuff they could send to each other. Including, in 1913, a baby which the Beauge family of Ohio sent parcel post to it’s grandmother, as it was cheaper than the train. Even though the…

How To Avoid Any Socially Awkward Situation

Posted by & filed under How To..., Infographics.

Whether it’s a wedding with a hidden agenda, a christening that goes too far or simply a party-based conversation that is making you consider a trip to the Dignitas clinic, we all find ourselves in awkward social situations with alarming frequency. And unless you’re an Estate Agent, you don’t want to just use rudeness to extract yourself from the arena of woe. So how can you get out of there without any lasting damage to your standing in the community? Here are a few tips, tricks and techniques… START CRYING The water that leaps from your face can be the fuel for your escape in practically every terrible scenario. No matter what the conversation concerns or the occasion denotes, once things are starting to veer towards the interminable, just place a hand to your cheek, say something like ‘Oh Martin, how could you?’ while staring off into the distance and let the waterworks fly. If they insist on helping you in your time of emotional grief, just tell them you need to take an important tablet and head to the bathroom. MAKE YOUR PHONE DO SOMETHING Why were the bad old days so bad? Because no one had a mobile phone that…

The Next Star Wars: Our Movie Plot Predictions

Posted by & filed under How To..., Infographics.

It’s going to be the biggest cultural event in the history of mankind (and animalkind) so far. Yes, we had lots of hype surrounding the last batch of Star Wars films and, yes, they were all slightly disappointing. But things are going to be be completely different this time. I mean, how crazy would they be to make the same mistakes again, right? So, with a mere 18 months until Episode VII is released, here’s what we think will happen… THE FULL TITLE At the moment, the film is only known as ‘Episode VII’, with the full name yet to be revealed. We know it takes place 30 years or so after Return of the Jedi and involves a bunch of youngsters as well as the original cast, so something hip and child-friendly will probably be incorporated. Maybe something along the lines of Star Wars Episode VII – ‘Han Yolo Twerks a Selfie’ or similar. THE RETURN OF THE CANTINA BAND Easily the stand-out moment of the original film, A New Hope, was the appearance of the tootling space-jazz band, who were seen rocking out in the Mos Eisley Cantina. But what have the guys been up to since then? Episode VII…

The Weirdest Things That Got Motorised (& Why)

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The British have been putting motors into inappropriate things since the dawn of time. Way back in caveman days, according to a documentary I was watching the other day, Neanderthals were using their own feet to propel themselves in primitive vehicular forms and using animals such as pelicans as buckets and rubbish bins. Come to think of it, I might have been watching The Flintstones. And even that seems unlikely as my wife took the television with her when she left 4 years ago. I’M SO LONELY. And that wonderful tradition of yamming an engine into somewhere that it has no natural right to go continues to this day. People the world over have gathered the British mantle and are now motorising all manner of inanimate objects, just for the glory of appearing in an Infographic. And today, I make all their dreams blossom into reality as the Infographic below outlines their exploits and achievements in a way that ‘Infographic Monthly Magazine’ (you get a pixel free with every edition until, after 96 weeks, you have your own Infographic) described as ‘bold’ and ‘cheeky’. Our fingers are crossed for the upcoming ‘Infographies’ the awards ceremony for the Infographic industry held…