The Mayan Money Back Guarantee

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The weather’s iffy, the economy continues to tank and Paul McCartney is fronting Nirvana

It can only mean one thing: the Mayans were right! It’s the end of the world.

Pesky pre-Colombians predicted that armageddon would occur on or around 21 December 2012, with cataclysmic nasties befalling us due to a number of astrological phenomena and foil-hat type notions.

So you’re probably thinking, in the event of total global annihilation, how are my consumer rights affected? Good question. Post-apocalyptic receipts will be singed and torn, while the BBC’s Watchdog may not be airing at all.

Worry not, customers – we’ve proud to announce the world’s first Mayan Money Back Guarantee.

If the Mesoamerican predictions prove accurate and we’re all doomed to fiery, rubble-based annihilation, your wonderful experience day won’t be affected. If you can prove that your world has ended (camera phone footage will do), we’ll provide you with a full refund.

Simply contact the survivors at using any rudimentary communication devices, and we’ll refund you in the appropriate new Earth currency. Ask the elders of your new mutant community for help if your hands have turned into something less practical.

The end of the world doesn’t have to mean the fiduciary end of the world. We’re British, and as such won’t allow a piffling little thing like the return of Kalki the tenth bringing about the simultaneous destruction and regeneration of the universe to leave you out of pocket.

Shop freely for zombie experiences safe in the knowledge that even the Rapture won’t stop you booking.