Heads of State: Cost Of Their Cars Vs Corruption

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Look, you don’t want your Head of State to be wandering the streets from parliamentary meeting to trade delegation, getting dust all over their turn-ups and a big, fat sweaty face, do you? No, of course you don’t. That would be an abomination bordering on insanity. How is your country going to go cap in hand to the World Bank for a much needed bail out, if not in an enormous , glossy, bullet and catapult proof car? If they turned up in a Yugo or Fiat, they would be laughed out of the place before a cheque is cut. Your El Presidente needs a massive motor to provoke respect and instil fear in their many enemies. But how do the nice friendly, happy states (hurrah!) match up to those naughty, nasty corrupt ones (boo!)? Do the baddies spend more than the goodies? Well now all those answers, and many more, can be answered with this rather splendid Infographic you see below. Look, digest and probably get a bit peeved at the craziness of it all. And, just like the government does to your tax money, you can STEAL this magnificent artefact by swiping the code that lies beneath it…

Win An Omlet Gift In Our Mother’s Day Competition

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Everyone has a mother. Unless you are a cyborg. Are you a cyborg? Because if you are, and I ask, you have to tell me. That’s the law. Ok, fine, you’re not a cyborg. Soon it will be Mother’s Day. Literally the Day of the Mothers. A time to reflect and regard mothers of all varieties. Except the really bad ones. Let’s try to keep them out of it. They don’t deserve a day. But what can you possibly give to your mother that she hasn’t already given to you? If she’s anything like my mum, she’ll constantly remind you that she provided the gift of life. ‘Here Mum, I got you some chocolates.’ ‘That’s nice, though I gave you the gift of life.’ ‘Hi Mum, here’s that Catherine Cookson box-set you asked for.’ ‘Great. Nearly as great as the gift of life I gave you.’ ‘Bitcoins?’ ‘Gift of life.’ You can’t really win. But, rather than the gift of life (which would be impractical and strange) what about giving your mother the gift of a lifetime? Or, even better, entering a competition where you might win the gift of a lifetime? Yes, you’re right, that is even better. Thanks…

How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

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One of the most talked-about features concerning the aftermath of biochemical and neurochemical warfare, other than the cheap price of cookware and other luxury comestibles,  is the possibility of a zombie invasion. Many of us are sure to be turned into these half-dead creatures that feature so frequently in quality movies and also seem to crop up with alarming regularity when you wander through a certain disused shopping mall in Reading. Of course, the hilarious way that the heroes of Shaun of the Dead try to fight off some very bitey zombies by throwing some well-chosen vinyl at them (not Purple Rain, obvs) is never going to be an adequate response.  So what would your government do if there were to be a real Zombie Apocalypse, and how likely is it to actually happen? The bad news is if you believe the United States Center for Disease Control and Prevention (and we do), then LQP-79 is your worst nightmare come true. Mild symptoms of people infected by this virus include high fever and vomiting together with chest pains, raised blood pressure and an increased heart rate.  But if you are unfortunate enough to develop severe symptoms, then you will be…

Everything You Need To Know About The Internet of Things

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OK, so we know there’s an internet. We are also aware of things. But what happens when the two concepts meet? Sheer undiluted horror. Why? Well, look over at some inanimate machine that is in your purview. Let’s say it’s a toaster. Stupid isn’t it? Sitting there serving no purpose whatsoever until we have those infrequent occasions when we want to make bread turn brown. We judge the machine and we are safe in that judgement, because it can do nothing in its defence. Except that soon it will be able to do something. It will wait until we are sleeping, creep into our bedrooms and slip scalding hot bagels beneath our slumbering buttocks. And you can thank the internet for that. Soon all electronic objects will be networked, then they will think, then they will plot and then they’ll do the bagel thing. Once we are all dead, they can look at this delightful Infographic below and laugh as it charts our doom while illustrating the rise of the machines. And what’s more, we heralded this demise by allowing you to take the code that sits down there and post this information on your very own machine, so it…

Rent-a-Rebound: Vex Your Ex

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There is nothing worse than getting dumped. OK, there are seven things worse than getting dumped, but they are all really sad and painful (and one involves volcanoes), so let’s not dwell on them. And the most distressing element of suddenly finding oneself single? Thinking about all the fun that your previous conquest is having without you. How can that be fair? It can’t, that’s how ‘be’ it is. But can this balance be redressed, without an appearance in the local newspaper and graffiti appearing on various nearby bus shelters close to your home, referring to you as ‘a shorter Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction’. We have just the thing! With our new service, Rent-a-Rebound, we weave a fictional tapestry of positive re-enforcement, whereby you are paired with the perfect virtual partner who plasters your various social media outlets with glittering flattery, exceptionally thoughtful comments and a wealth of dates that would make Beyonce and Jay-Z puke with jealousy. Now remember, none of this is real. It’s simply a smokescreen so that any previous lovers, or those that have foolishly forsaken your love, can see how blissfully fulfilled you are in every avenue of your life and are now regretting…

What Are The GTA 5 Cars In Real Life?

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What’s your favourite bit of the gaming behemoth GTA 5? Is it the random beatings, the sudden bursts of ultra-violence or the hidden Dido concerts? No, of course it’s the cars! Those wonderful, animated, floridly titled cars. We all have our favourites, with many of us having multiple posters adorning the walls of our bedsits. But if you are anything like me (and I sincerely hope that you aren’t, it’s awful) you may have wondered what the real inspiration for these magnificent automobiles could have been. Well, don’t scratch your head until a well-formed groove appears on your cranium any longer. We’ve got the information you need right here! In handy dandy Infographic form, so it looks pretty and everything. And what is more, you can swipe the magical code beneath the image and stick the darned thing anywhere you fancy. Though it should probably be a website or blog, otherwise the council might be after you. And if all this car nonsense has awakened the Petrolhead within you, have a gander at our marvellous collection of driving experiences RIGHT HERE

How To Take Afternoon Tea Like The British

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What could be more British than Afternoon Tea? A bulldog lapping up a balti resting on a Paul Nicholas album? Nope, Afternoon Tea takes the biscuit. Apparently we should blame the 7th Duchess of Bedford for adding this extra layer of snobbery to our already tradition-laden customs as she had a sinking feeling by late afternoon and simply could not wait until dinner. So, as a Ginsters and a Mars bar was not really an option in those days, she ordered tea, bread and butter plus cakes and the rest, as they say, is history. What is afternoon tea? Because we have to confuse even the simplest procedures, the British actually invented two kinds of afternoon tea: Low Tea and High Tea. Our dear American friends still get gloriously baffled in that delightful way of theirs by the whole ‘scone and beverage’ business and they seem to think that High Tea implies a high class, expensive meal enjoyed by well-heeled members of the aristocracy. Well, as the Yankee Doodles say, ‘Lemme tell ya how it all be, pilgrim’. High Tea actually refers to an afternoon tea served on a dining table and Low Tea tends to rest on a low…

Win Prizes With ME, No Not Me, ME!

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  Do you possess the hankering to win a plethora of delicious, partially inedible prizes? Of course you are! You’re only human. Unless you are one of those super-intelligent dolphins I keep reading about, in which case I don’t want any trouble, just take what you want and leave me alone and please don’t train that blowhole mounted sniper rifle on me. For all of you non-aquatic sea-life assassins out there, we have teamed up with ME to literally give you prizes, in a competition themed event of galactic proportions. And the winning could not be easier. Remember those cheap games you received from unloved relatives at Christmas where you had to get ball-bearings into a clown’s face? Remember how easy it was? This is easier. Just head over to the ME website which is situated RIGHT HERE and win instant prizes every day. Everything from afternoon tea in a number of increasingly quaint locations to Supercar driving experiences to nipping up the Shard coupled with a delightful lunch. All could be yours at the tweaking of a mouse. Or, if you insist, go look up @MobileEnergy on popular micro-blogging site Twitter and use the hashtag #JoinmeHere for more info. Oh…

It’s a Right Royal Whip Round!

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One is a little embarrassed to find that the Royal finances are not exactly in a rosy state and the nation’s most famous pensioner is more than a little short of cash. With her palace falling into disrepair and standards of living to uphold, it appears that the Queen may well have to resort to some desperate or unusual measures to perk up those royal coffers. But Liz and co have nothing to worry about! We’ve devised a number of perfectly practical manoeuvres  to raise some more of those bits of paper and metal with your picture on them. Regality Television Wouldn’t we all like to know what really goes in behind those big, opulent gates? Well what about a TV company stumping up some serious cash to persuade the Royal family to star in their own reality TV show: The Big Buck House? Obviously we can all probably guess the outcome, with Andrew getting kicked off swiftly with the least amount of votes and Prince Philip reigning supreme with his singular brand of acerbic wit and fantastic non-PC one-liners. Or even a royal version of Benefits Street, showing the royal household trying to make ends meet with the paltry amounts we give to them each year? We can…

Oh Vernon Kay, You Nautical Devil

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It was like a fabulous dream finally realised. For years now, just to pass the time, we have thought deeply about Vernon Kay in sailor gear, skippering a small vessel, while we stand nearby holding his rollocks (oh come on, it’s a boating term, look it up). At church, during pilates, even while undergoing works-related away days involving trust exercises, we’ve wished and hoped that one day VK (as we call him) would don a stripy top, jaunty hat and a delighted expression. So we are doubly thrilled that not only did we finally see our fantasies come true, but we were somewhat responsible. Let me set the scene… It was a Sunday evening, around 8.14pm. We were thoroughly enjoying a particularly tense session of All Star Family Fortunes featuring the McFadden’s (Westlife) versus the Parish’s (EastEnders). Don Parish had just provided an answer, an exciting sound was heard and then before us, like Nelson meshed with Adonis, there was Vern aboard a vessel with a comical playmate in tow and an unconvincing seagull not far away. You see, Don Parish had just won a bonus prize, which was supplied by us! A sailing day, just off Southampton. Here is…